


Shuffle Piece

by MarioToast



Category: One Piece
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25260424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarioToast/pseuds/MarioToast
Summary: What if Nami was the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates? What if Garp was a Yonko? What if Enel was a Warlord? What if Arlong was a Marine?Around 200 One Piece characters have had their roles in the story swapped around, with the Straw Hats even trading and changing around their movesets. How will the story of One Piece be affected by different personalities and powers taking on familiar roles?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. Prologue

Wealth, fame, power.  
Emerald Rouge the Pirate Queen obtained this and everything else the world had to offer. And her dying words drove countless souls to the seas.  
“You want my treasure? You can have it! I left everything I gathered together in one place. Now you just have to find it! ”  
These words lured men and women to the Grand Line, pursuing dreams greater than they ever dared to imagine. This is the time known as the great pirate era.


	2. Romance Dawn

_At a certain island in the East Blue_

The jovial sounds of laughter, clinking mugs and dancing feet flowed out from a particular bar in Foosha Village. Peeking inside, one would see quite the assortment of interesting individuals partying it up, supplied by a muscular bearded merman serving as the bartender. However, towering over the rest was another merperson, a blonde hammerhead shark-mermaid wearing a dark-blue open jacket with pink flowers covering the edges, and a straw hat placed upon her head. In her hand was a modified barrel serving as a mug to accommodate her large size, and her tail was angled in front of her so that a certain orange-haired young girl could stand on it.

“Shashasha” the mermaid, Praline, laughed. “Not a chance! There’s no way I’d bring along a little kid like you, Nami!”

“Hey!” the girl standing on Praline’s tail huffed indignantly, stomping her foot. “Being little is useful! See, I can sneak into tiny holes and grab the loot, and be back before you even manage to squeeze through a door.”

Nami grinned proudly, with her hands on her hips as she looked up at the larger woman. Praline chuckled, then leaned in close as she grinned. Rows of huge pointed teeth flared menacingly, as the massive size difference became truly apparent. Praline was a whooping 8 meters end to end, while Nami barely reached one meter standing up.

“Oh~? So what are you gonna do when you sneak somewhere all alone, and you come across a big scary monster trying to gobble you up…?”

Praline had a sinister tone in her voice, trying to frighten the young girl. But Nami was undeterred.

“I’ll just distract the monster with my body~”

This promptly earned her a punch from Praline, sending Nami spinning through the air.

“YOU’RE EIGHT, YOU SHOULDN’T BE TALKING LIKE THAT!” the enraged mermaid yelled, as the rest of the people in the bar just laughed.

“Ow! What was that for?” Nami yelled, standing up with clenched fists and teeth.

“If you can’t take a blow like that, you shouldn’t be a pirate.”

Before Nami could respond, a hand reached down and patted her on the head. She gazed up to see Aladine, the bartender, smile down at her.

“Calm down, Nami. Praline just doesn’t want you to get hurt out on the seas.”

“I wouldn’t get hurt! The only danger I can see is Praline punching me!” Nami huffed with a pout.

“If I had punched for real, you wouldn’t have a head anymore” Praline laughed before going to take another gulp of her drink. Seeing that it was empty, she set the barrel down on the countertop before turning towards the bartender. “Hey Aladine, how about a refill?”

Nami grumbled, hopping onto a chair to reach the top of the counter herself.

“Aladine! Give me a big glass of milk!” she demanded, trying to sound as tough and imposing as possible.

“Milk? You really are a little kid!” Praline laughed once more.

“There’s nothing funny about strong healthy bones!”

* * *

_Later that night_

After a long day of partying and drinking, Praline and the rest of the Siren Pirates were sleeping off their hangovers aboard their ship. Nami, however, was wide awake as she snuck towards the docked boat bathed in moonlight.

“Praline doesn’t think I have what it takes… I’ll show her. I’ll prove I’m a great thief by stealing from her!”

The orange-haired girl lowered her back and shoulders to keep a low profile as she ran towards the ship, hopping into the water when close. Taking the obvious route, the gangway, was not how a master cat thief should act. So instead, she went for the chain connected to the anchor. Her tiny hands and feet easily fit within the holes in the links, allowing her to scale the side of the ship with relatively little trouble. The soaked little girl soon flopped over the railing, her pretty white dress clinging uncomfortably to her body after her swim.

“Ok, that was… a bit more exhausting than expected. But I can’t stop! Gotta… keep going.”

With a grunt, Nami stood up and surveyed the deck of the ship. A couple of passed out crewmembers, with the heavy odor of alcohol wafting off of them. Nami wrinkled her nose from the pungent stench, as she began sneaking past the snoring pirates. Sidestepping a fat man resting against a mast, hopping over the legs of another, Nami made her way towards the door leading to the ship’s interior. Things were going quite well, the little thief easily tip-toeing around the sleeping pirates and reaching her destination. However, as she grabbed the handle to open the door, a sudden noise behind her drew her attention.

“Grmph? Whuz-whuzzat?”

A chill went down the orange-haired girl’s spine as she slowly turned to face the source of the sound. A tall man stirred out of his stupor, shaking his head as an unfocused and blurry gaze pointed in Nami’s general direction. It was at this moment Nami realized the value of a plan B.

“Uhh… g-go back to sleep!” she ordered the man in panic, to little effect. Thinking fast, Nami remembered reading about a legend sailors would tell. “Look, I… I’m a Klabautermann!”

Deafening silence as the two awkwardly stared at each other for a while.

“Yes, and… this is a good ship! Very loved. Yes. But… you’re not supposed to see me! If you do… the ship is gonna die! And its wooden blood… splinters… will be on your hands! So… go sleep or you and the ship will die.”

Luckily for Nami, the man’s lack of both sobriety and sleep made her ramblings make total sense to him.

“O-oh, I schould- I schould go back shleep then!” he slurred, before collapsing back into a drunken, snoring heap.

“Smooth~” Nami complimented herself with a grin as she ventured into the ship’s interior.

The inside was comparatively easier for her to navigate, as the vast majority of pirates had been on the deck partying. She also knew where the treasure room was, having asked Praline to see it before. Finding and gathering treasure had always been alluring to the young girl, and she had been excited to see how much experienced pirates had gathered. Her excitement turned to disappointment when she saw the fairly small pile. Turned out that Praline and her crew preferred to spend their money rather than hoard it.

Yet that disappointing experience made it easy for Nami to find her way back to the treasure room. The floorboards lightly creaked as the young girl, still dripping wet from her swim, tip-toed forwards in pursuit of her goal. It didn’t take long for her to find what she was looking for, a grin creeping onto her face as the plain wooden door came into view. Its basic appearance belied its status as the final obstacle to the pirates’ treasure trove.

“Ok, just grab something and get out…” Nami whispered to herself as she opened the door, peeking inside. Glittering gold, ornate weapons and several chests laid scattered around the room. Certainly enough that one could live comfortably for the rest of one’s life, but the size of the room made the pile look absolutely pitiful. When Nami had first gotten here, that size dichotomy had ruined her mood. Yet now that she was here a second time, and was able to appreciate the actual amount of loot…

For a moment her quest had been completely forgotten, as Nami laid on top of a pile of coins and bills while picking up and raining more over her with her hands. Her mouth wide open in a stupid smile and her eyes in the shape of belly symbols.

“Ahahaah… money is the best~”

Her little bath was interrupted when one of the coins she was raining over her fell into her open mouth and continued down her throat. The greedy girl quickly sat up, sending coins and bills flying as she coughed and gagged while clutching her throat. After a few painful seconds the small round bit of metal shot out of her mouth alongside some saliva, leaving Nami groaning as she fell on her back.

“Ok… I think I should just go.”

Taking a few extra seconds to recover, Nami soon stood back up and took another look over the treasure pile. She wouldn’t be able to carry a lot (“Curse you, pocketless dress!”) so she looked for something particularly valuable. That was when she noticed a small chest on top of a pedestal.

“Ooh, now that’s gotta be important…”

Unfortunately for Nami, the pedestal was just a bit too tall, with the treasure chest laying ever so slightly out of reach. The aspiring cat thief grunted and groaned as she stood on her tippy toes, stretching her body upwards as her wriggling fingers tickled the edge of the top of the pedestal. Seeing that she wasn’t going to reach, Nami decided to try jumping to get some extra height. And indeed, she managed to get some of her fingers on top of the pedestal… and make the whole thing fall towards her. She quickly let go and stepped backwards, avoiding the pedestal falling on top of her… but not the chest falling off and hitting her in the head.

“I wish I knew swear words!” Nami growled, clutching her head as she crouched in pain.

* * *

Nami breathed heavily as she crawled onto the beach, clutching the treasure chest under her arm. She looked back towards the ship, smirking in triumph.

“Yeah… that’ll show Praline! Cat Burglar Nami just completed her greatest heist yet!” the young thief declared, letting out a proud little laugh. Placing the treasure chest in the sand, she sat down besides it and hugged her knees. Facing the ship, with her back towards the forest by the beach, she sighed happily.

“Whew… I’m actually pretty tired. Swimming like that… was really exhausting.”

Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, Nami began feeling an aching sensation of overexertion through her limbs. She bit her lip, closing her eyes as she rested. Suddenly, she heard a faint scraping besides her. Opening one eye and turning her head slightly to peek, she saw a light grey tentacle-like appendage wrapped around the treasure chest, slowly dragging it away. Exactly one second later, Nami had jumped onto her feet.

“HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” she yelled at the tentacle, her exhaustion all but forgotten as her fury engulfed her. She kicked it as hard as she could, before grabbing her foot in pain.

“Ow! Was that… wood?”

Before she could study it anymore, another light grey wooden appendage shot out from the forest and wrapped around Nami’s leg. She yelped as she fell backwards before being dragged into the forest alongside the treasure chest. As she was dragged deeper and deeper into the forest, getting many scrapes and bumps from the unpleasant ride, another tentacle wrapped around her torso and lifted her into the air. She then realized she had come face to face with the one who had brought her here.

“Who do yew think you are, kicking MY roots like that?” Nami’s assailant asked her in a deep voice. Indeed, the “tentacles” had been roots, the roots of the massive animate tree now holding Nami captive. Besides the odd coloration of light gray bark and blueish gray leaves, the tree’s most noticeable feature was its face. Two relatively small yellow eyes, a long sharp nose, huge mouth with sharp teeth and a big curly mustache. It only took Nami a second to realize that this was Kingbaum, the infamous bandit residing in the forest near Foosha Village. Despite the fear that was quickly welling up in Nami, she put on a brave face.

“B-because you tried to steal my treasure chest! Now put me down or… else…”

Kingbaum raised an eyebrow, as one of his roots came in carrying the small wooden chest.

“Are you refirring to THIS chest? Well, it’s mine now. Any poor sap that gets too close to Kingbaum’s woods has to pay a toll! Be glad I’m just taking this chest… now say ‘Sorry for kicking your root, Mr. Kingbaum’ and I’ll let you leaf.”

“What?! NO! Give me the chest back now, you stupid overgrown matchstick!” Nami yelled, struggling feebly in Kingbaum’s grasp. Her bravado was mostly born out of anger, she was actually completely terrified. The fear became more and more apparent as Kingbaum held her closer to his face, the massive tree towering over Nami even more than Praline.

“So… this chest is that import-ent to you, hm? Must be something really valuable in there…”

A few more roots swooped in, cracking open the chest and catching the contents… a violet sphere, with a curly pattern and a big stem sprouting out of the top. Neither Kingbaum nor Nami had any idea what it was.

“Huh…? Some kind of… fruit?” Kingbaum mused, taking a closer look.

“G-give it back! I have to show Pr-GURGH!”

Nami’s eyes were welling up in tears, her demands silenced by Kingbaum tightening his hold.

“I’m stumped. Why are you this obsessed with a stupid fruit? Must be damn tasty...” the giant tree-bandit mused before throwing the entire fruit into his oversized maw. Nami couldn’t even manage to protest past her pained grunts. Almost immediately after closing his mouth, Kingbaum spat the chewed remains of the fruit out again.

“DISGUSTING! YEW WERE PLANNING TO TRICK ME INTO CANNIBALISM AND POISON ME! TREECKY LITTLE SAPLING!”

“What…?” Nami sobbed, as the pressure put on her by Kingbaum’s grip lessened. But not because he lessened his hold, but rather that the bark became… softer? The texture had completely changed, something Kingbaum had also noticed. In shock over his body’s new attributes, he dropped Nami as his roots waved about.

“What the… what did you do? WHAT KIND OF POISON WAS THAT?!” he yelled, sending forth more roots to grab Nami as she tried to escape. One root for each limb, holding Nami securely in place in a star-like position. “You’ll pay fir this!”

Another root came up, this one aiming to slam down on Nami and squash her. As the massive light grey wood came swinging down on Nami, she closed her eyes and clenched her teeth.  
“Big girls don’t cry big girls don’t cry big girls don’t cry” she thought to herself as she kept herself from screaming, to deny Kingbaum the pleasure of hearing her break. The root slammed down on her… and bounced back up. Nami was… not fine per say, but still alive and with her bones unbroken. Both Nami and Kingbaum looked at the event with wide open eyes.

“You… yew ruined me!” Kingbaum yelled. “I’m not just gonna squash you… I’ll make sure you die slowly. Limb… by… limb...”

The root went into another part of the forest, digging into Kingbaum’s treasure trove. There he grabbed a sword, bringing it back to the clearing he and Nami were in. As a thoroughly beaten, bruised and sobbing Nami looked up at the root clutching a sword overhead, she closed her eyes once more. She wouldn’t scream… she’d go with dignity. She repeated this mantra in her head as the sword came swinging down.

What happened next was just a blur for Nami. First, there was the pain. The most intense, mind-wrecking pain she had ever felt, originating between the elbow and shoulder on her left arm. Then, there was the scream. Her previous determination had vanished, the girl’s throat now burning with the intensity of her cries. And through the agony and panic, came the realization that she couldn’t feel her left arm anymore.

In this blurred state, time seemed irrelevant. Nami had no idea how long she laid there screaming before… something happened. It sounded like thunder, and felt like an earthquake combined with a hurricane. The roots holding Nami let go of her remaining limbs, and it felt like she was flying through the air. Then, warmth. A much larger person wrapping around Nami, pulling her into a hug. She could feel the person occasionally twitch as if crying, as the young girl faded into unconsciousness.

* * *

_One week later, at Foosha Village’s harbor_

“You’re leaving already?”

Nami looked up at the giant mermaid in front of her, who turned to face the young girl.

“Yeah, it’s time we headed back to the Grand Line. Can’t stay here forever, you know” Praline smiled, though her expression grew more somber as her eyes fell upon the bandaged stump on Nami’s left side. The orange-haired girl noticed this and sighed.

“I told you… it was my fault” Nami said, looking down at the ground. There was silence for a few seconds. “...you were right. I’m too small and weak to be a pirate.”

Praline was about to say something, when Nami continued.

“But… I’m not gonna be small forever. I’ll stay here, and I’ll get stronger. Then, when I’m ready, I’ll become a pirate myself. I’ll be the captain of my own crew, a better crew than yours! I’m not gonna let this…”

Nami gestured to her left arm.

“...stop me from becoming the greatest, and richest, pirate of all time. I’ll be the Pirate Queen, you hear?!”

Praline smirked, then began laughing.

“Shashasha. You certainly have the drive of a real pirate. Then, consider this your first piece of loot.”

Praline reached onto her head, grabbing the straw hat she wore. Then, she bent down to place it on Nami’s head.

“It may not be worth a lot of money, but it’s very valuable to me. Take good care of it, ok? Little Pirate Queen~”

From Praline’s elevated viewpoint, the brim of the hat covered Nami’s face. And the young girl didn’t bother to move it, as she didn’t want Praline to see her cry.

* * *

_Ten years later_

The majority of Foosha Village had shown up at the harbor, waving and saying their goodbyes. Among the gathered villagers was Aladine, proprietor of the bar Praline and her crew used to frequent all those years ago.

“That girl is going to make a name for herself, mark my words” he sighed with a smile, glancing at the man standing beside him. “The arm you built her is going to be a great help, mayor Vegapunk.”

The reason everybody had gathered was the girl currently sailing away on a small boat, the cheapest vessel she could get her hands on. An athletic and beautiful young woman with orange hair worn in pigtails and big brown eyes. Her outfit consisted of a white sleeveless shirt with blue stripes baring her midriff, black-brown shorts reaching down to just above her knees, reddish-brown boots, and a straw hat upon her head. A sly smirk on her face, as her adventure truly began.

Suddenly, the waves parted, the boat shook as a massive sea serpent burst out of the water. Similar in appearance to a giant ferocious eel, the beast glared at the boat’s inhabitant with obvious murderous and hungry intent. But the girl just let out a short chuckle.

“Once I’d be scared of you. But now?” Nami said as she gazed up at the Sea King from under the brim of her hat.

A robotic arm firmly grasped the handle of a huge axe almost as big as her entire body, one that looked far too heavy for any normal human to lift, much less wield like a weapon. Yet Nami showed little strain as she picked up the axe, easily swinging it up to rest on her shoulder.

“I wouldn’t even call you a warm-up.”

The titanic eel growled, before lunging forwards to try and swallow Nami whole. But instead of the savory taste of human meat, all the monster got a mouthful of was pain. An intense, surging agony going in a diagonal line through its body. As easily as she had lifted the axe, Nami had cleaved the Sea King with a single swing. She placed her weapon back in its place as the monster sank back under the waves.

“Been waiting for this day for a long time…” Nami mused as she looked across the horizon. “Let’s see… I’ll need to look for some crewmates. The most vital positions would be navigator, doctor and shipwright. A cook, some general combatants… I’ll take on the duty of treasurer myself~”

She glanced down at her mechanical left arm.

“Should also look for an engineer, or find a shipwright who also knows a lot about machines. Vegapunk taught the basics of maintaining my arm, but it’s definitely not my forte.”

Nami sighed, closing her eyes.

“Well, for now I should just focus on making my way towards the Grand Line. I’ll probably pick some people up on the way” she shrugged. Her eyes opened, filled with determination as she raised her arms and loudly declared her purpose for all to hear:

**“I’M GONNA BE THE QUEEN OF THE PIRATES!”**


	3. Goat Island

_On a small island nearby…_

A pirate ship was docked by the shore of a remote island. The ship’s figurehead resembled a stylized sheep wearing a musketeer’s hat, and the hull was painted crimson. A fine, yet currently empty vessel. The crew had left for shore, and were gathered in a clearing. Their eyes were glued to their captain, as well as a boy hanging upside down by his legs from a tree branch.

“Let me go, you damn witch!” the boy yelled out, struggling against the ropes currently leaving him defenseless. The boy had short, curly blonde hair and wore an opened dark blue jacket with the sleeves rolled up, a white cravat, a black shirt and blue pants. Normally he also wore a black top hat with blue goggles wrapped around it, but it had fallen off (and subsequently looted by one of the pirates) when he was hung upside down. Despite his predicament, he had a stalwart and defiant glare in his eyes. “If you don’t untie right now, I’m gonna…”

Yet all his defiance got him was a slap across the face by a gloved hand, sending him spinning and swinging about. The hand that slapped him promptly moved up to adjust a pair of glasses worn by the captain of the pirate crew. A slim, beautiful woman with long blonde hair, staring sternly down at the tied up boy through her narrow glasses. Her outfit was reminiscent of that of a musketeer, colored crimson and orange, and replacing the typical sword with a spiked whip. Her Jolly Roger was displayed on the cloak, showing a skull wearing a musketeer’s hat and with its eyes concealed by narrow glasses.

“That’s sexual harassment” captain ‘Iron Whip’ Kalifa of the Kalifa Pirates declared, cracking her whip.

“How the hell is that sexual harassment?!” the boy yelled, his eyes briefly turning pure white and growing in size from his anger. He was still swinging around from the last slap, so Kalifa opted to simply kick him in the stomach this time.

One of the pirates watching visibly winced as his captain kicked the boy.

“Man, the captain’s really giving it to him” he whispered to his crewmate besides him.

“Yeah, kinda thought she’d just kick his ass and throw him to the sharks” the other crewmate solemnly nodded. “Guess she wants to make an example out of him…”

“Seriously, the hell was he thinking? Trying to fight the entire crew at once… is he an idiot?” the first pirate continued whispering.

“Talking about my body behind my back is sexual harassment” Kalifa called out to the two, turning to face them and cracking her whip.

“WE WEREN’T DOING THAT!” they yelled, waving their arms in a panic.

* * *

“Hm? A pirate ship?”

Nami shielded her eyes from the sun as she stared towards the shape in the distance. Indeed, docked by an island was a red-painted ship, the Jolly Roger waving in the wind proudly displaying its allegiance to a pirate crew. The orange-haired girl scratched her chin as she pondered what to do.

“...ah, screw it. I’ll go nuts if I have to keep staying alone in this boat for much longer.”

She had underestimated the boredom that arose from sailing on her own. She swiftly turned her boat to sail towards the island, docking out of view of the pirate ship just in case. After that she jumped onto shore, deciding to leave her axe behind to try and lure the pirates into a sense of security. After all, that would make them easier to rob silently. Hearing some noise from within the forest, she headed that way to investigate.

She soon came upon the scene in the clearing, with Kalifa calmly walking away from two badly injured pirates whip in hand. The other pirates hadn’t spotted Nami yet, who raised an eyebrow as she saw the boy hanging upside down from the tree.

“Now then, where were we?” the blonde woman said coldly, cracking her whip.

“Wait… is she gonna...? No, I’m sure he’ll be fine…” Nami thought to herself, as a bead of sweat made its way down her forehead.

Kalifa swung her arm back and raised her whip up high, the metal spikes shimmering in the sunlight as she prepared to strike the defenseless boy. Defiant to the last, the boy grit his teeth and closed his eyes, not wanting to give his captor the joy of seeing him cry. But the pain he anticipated never came. He slowly opened one eye to see what was going on.

The gathering of pirates stared in shock. As Kalifa’s whip had descended towards its victim, someone had burst out of the bushes with an incredible speed and grabbed it with her bare hand! Upon closer inspection, it seemed like the newcomer had a metal left arm, which is what she had grabbed it with. The metal was clearly of a stronger quality than that of Kalifa’s whip, as the spikes bent in the cyborg’s grip.

“Look, I don’t know what your deal with this kid is, but I’m not gonna let you whip a 12-year old” Nami said sternly, still holding on to Kalifa’s whip.

“12?! I’m 16!” the tied up boy yelled. “...also, thank you very much for saving me!”

“Wait, you’re 16? Stop joking around!” Nami said, turning to look at the young-looking boy.

“I’m not joking! I just haven’t hit my growth spurt yet. Just you wait, in a few months I’ll be as tall as you!” the boy continued, pouting cutely.

“Yeah, sure. Look, I-”

Nami was interrupted by Kalifa pulling hard on the whip, making Nami lose her grip on it.

“You grabbed my whip without consent… that’s sexual harassment” Kalifa frowned, glancing at the spikes that were bent by Nami’s metal grip.

“Wait, how does that- whoa!”

Nami had no time to question it, as Kalifa cracked her whip towards her. The orange-haired pirate was forced to jump to the side to avoid the dangerous attack. She was starting to regret leaving her axe behind in the boat. Kalifa followed this up with several more attacks, forcing Nami to stay at a distance until she managed to grab hold of the whip once more. Kalifa frowned as she found her weapons once again in the younger pirate’s clutches. She glanced quickly at her crew, who were still just standing there dumbfounded.

“Waiting so long to help me? That’s-”

“Yeah yeah, we get it!” Nami interrupted her, tugging hard on the whip and making Kalifa stumble forwards. Her pirate goons rushed forwards to help their captain, with the first reaching Nami while Kalifa was still going forwards, attempting to punch the orange-haired girl. Nami dealt with this situation quite efficiently; her right hand caught the man’s punch, while her right foot shot out to kick Kalifa in the stomach. Then, using the grip on Kalifa’s whip and the fist she had caught in her hand, she threw both towards the charging horde of pirates while she dove backwards to get some distance.

Nami quickly reached over to the tied-up boy, handing him a spike she had removed from Kalifa’s whip. Part of his hand which poked out from the ropes grasped onto the spike, the boy grinning as Nami prepared to fight the incoming group of pirates.

Kalifa adjusted her glasses as she stood up (none of her crew dared trying to help her up, in fear of being accused of sexual harassment), glaring at Nami. The metal-armed pirate was dealing with her crew quite efficiently, easily avoiding their attacks while dispatching them with her own powerful punches. The robotic arm in particular being capable of some devastating attacks. Kalifa grimaced as she rushed in to try and whip Nami.

Seeing Kalifa’s incoming attack, Nami grabbed a fat man by the collar and dragged him in between her and Kalifa. Thus, the whip struck only him instead, despite his pleas for his captain to stop.

“Hey! That was a cheap trick!” “Yeah! You lousy coward!” “You foul woman!”

The pirates jeered at Nami’s tactic, only warranting an eye roll from the ‘foul woman’.

“It worked, didn’t it?” she shrugged before grabbing the back of the man’s shirt with her other hand, and throwing him at a group of enemies. She turned back towards Kalifa, who prepared herself to whip one more time.

“That’s sexual harassment-” “SERIOUSLY?!” “I will now administer your punishment” Kalifa coldly stated, before she began whipping around herself seemingly at random. The speed rapidly increased, the whip becoming a blur that encompassed her entire body in a metal ball. Then, she suddenly leaped towards Nami with an intense flurry of strikes. “ **THORN FOR ALL**!”

Nami remained calm, swinging her metal arm up to hit the whip as it swung towards her. The whip wrapped around her lower arm, as she gripped it tightly.

“SHE BLOCKED THORN FOR ALL?!” one of the remaining pirates cried out in shock, never having seen his captain’s ultimate attack fail before.

Nami grit her teeth as she once more pulled on the whip, dragging Kalifa through the air. As she did so, Nami’s right hand clenched into a fist and swung in a downwards angle towards Kalifa’s face. Before the blonde captain even had a chance to react, the fist collided hard with her face. Nami’s punch continued, digging into Kalifa’s cheek as it slammed her face into the ground hard. A small crater formed, as Kalifa’s glasses shattered.

After that, silence. The pirates who weren’t already knocked out were staring in complete disbelief. With the exception of one standing a couple of metres behind Nami. Grasping a rifle in his trembling hands, he slowly aimed it towards the girl who had just defeated his captain… but before he could fire, a metal pipe slammed against the back of his head, making him fall unconscious to the ground.

Standing over him was the previously captive boy, now freed from his bonds with the help of the spike Nami had handed him. He grinned proudly as he looked over at Nami, who gave a thumbs up. The very few remaining pirates took this as their cue to flee.

“Nice hit” Nami smiled. “Why did these guys tie you up anyways?”

“I snuck aboard their ship and tried to take them down. I was gonna hand them over to the Marines so they would let me join” the boy declared, picking up his hat which had fallen off the head of one of the pirates Nami defeated. “When I went to apply they just sent me home.”

“Well, yeah. I doubt the Marines would want to accept 12-year olds” Nami shrugged, scratching the back of her head.

“I’m 16!” the boy yelled. He stomped his foot angrily, this clearly being a sore spot for him. Nami just scoffed in disbelief. “I’m serious! You stupid orange-haired witch!”

An anger vein popped up on Nami’s forehead as her frustration with the little brat mounted. She swiftly moved over to him and grabbed him by the back of his shirt collar, lifting him into the air. Shadows covered the top half of her face as she spoke to him. While she still wore a smile, the look in her eyes and tone of her voice revealed a barely concealed fury.

“Excuse me? Didn’t I just save your life? I think you should watch your mouth a little~”

A bead of sweat formed on the side of the blonde boy’s head as Nami’s glare bored into his very soul.

“S-sorry miss!” he quickly blurted out. His pride was not so overwhelming he wasn’t willing to apologize (especially to save his life). Nami’s expression immediately shifted back to a pleasant demeanour, gently placing the boy back on the ground.

“No problem~” she sang, as the boy was getting a bit creeped out at how quickly her mood switched. “Ah, we haven’t been properly introduced, have we? I’m Nami, the beautiful future Pirate Queen!”

She struck a fabulous pose as she said that, with one hand on her chest and the other on her hip.

“Oh, right. I’m Sabo” he smiled, before his eyes suddenly widened. “Wait, pirate? You’re a pirate?!”

“Yeah, though technically I haven’t done anything except beat these guys up yet. And in this instance I intervened to save a minor, followed by self-defence. Even if you dragged me in front of a court, they wouldn’t have anything on me” Nami smirked with a wink.

Sabo didn’t have anything to say to that, so he just sighed.

“Well… y-you’d better watch yourself, because I’m keeping an eye on you. And if you start acting up, I’ll come for you!” the boy declared, puffing out his chest.

Nami rolled her eyes.

“I’m trembling” she said before pointing in the direction she came from. “My boat’s in that direction. If you want you can hitch a ride until we reach the next island.”

Sabo was about to start walking towards the boat, but sudden hesitation rushed over him.

“Wait… how do I know you’re not gonna throw me overboard while I sleep?! Or sell me as a slave!”

“Well, it’s either ride with me or stay on the island. Alone. With the crazy dominatrix and her band of jolly jackasses” Nami shrugged. “It’s up to you. I’ve got something to take care of first.”

Realizing that he had no other options, Sabo sighed and started walking towards the boat. He glanced over at the defeated Kalifa’s discarded whip laying in the grass, remembering the danger he was in and the dread he felt. His sight went back to focusing on the forest as he continued heading to shore.

Sabo sighed, resting on his back in the boat and staring up at the clouds.

“What’s taking her so long…?” he pondered, frowning. “Wait… what if she’s taking Kalifa’s ship? Would she even be able to steer it on her own? Or… is this all some extremely elaborate con? A con that’s either incredibly stupid or insanely brilliant.”

His rambling thoughts were interrupted by the sound of snapping branches and bushes being pushed aside. He sat up, seeing Nami emerge from the forest… carrying a large wooden chest on her shoulder. She had a big goofy grin on her face as she placed the chest on the boat, getting in after and setting off. Between Sabo, Nami, the chest and Nami’s huge axe, there was very little space left.

“Wha-what’s this?” Sabo asked, confused.

“Well, I figured it would be a waste to leave without checking their treasury first~” Nami snickered, opening the chest to reveal that it was full of gold! Sabo was admittedly impressed, this being the first time he had ever seen such a huge amount of valuables in the same place. He moved closer to get a better look, but the chest was slammed shut right in front of his face. He fell backwards in surprise, and was about to yell at Nami for being so careless when he saw the look on her face. A calm smile, but eyes that told him to back off. Luckily, Sabo was starting to learn to pick his battles, and so he let it go.

* * *

“Waaaaaah…” Nami sobbed, her hand half-submerged in the seas as she stared down into the blue abyss with teary eyes.

“Will you stop it already? You’ve been crying for three hours!” Sabo yelled at her with his arms crossed.

“You were the one who threw it overboard…” Nami growled, shooting the blonde boy a death glare.

“It was too heavy! Would you rather we sink?”

“Maybe I should have thrown you overboard instead…”

Sabo sighed, knowing there was no winning this discussion. As he gazed back to the sea, however, he suddenly spotted something over the horizon. He raised an eyebrow as the distant silhouette distance slowly became clearer.

“Hey, Nami! I think I see an island” he called out, leaning forwards and shielding his eyes from the sun to get a better look.

Nami pulled herself together enough to take a look for herself, grinning as she saw the faraway landmass.

“Great!” Nami said as she stood up. “You can buy me supplies there to make up for the chest.”

“AS IF!”


	4. Shells Town

“Mmh, the only thing better than good food is getting good food for free~”

Nami snickered to herself as she enjoyed a nice meal at a restaurant, Sabo sitting opposite of her with a rather annoyed expression.

“What a cheapskate…” he grumbled, crossing his arms.

“What? The owner offered this to me. I can’t help it if people want to give pretty girls things~”

“And if they don’t want to, you get mad and storm out. Like with the last two restaurants we checked out.”

“That’s not it at all!” Nami huffed indignantly. “I just thought their service was bad.”

Sabo just rolled his eyes at this, clearly not falling for Nami’s lies. Still, he knew arguing it was a lost cause. As they continued eating, Nami couldn’t help but overhear a conversation a few tables away. Listening in on other people’s conversations is a bad habit indeed, except for when it benefits your own personal gain. And in this case, it very much did.

“Hey, did you hear they were gonna execute that pirate tomorrow?” “Who hasn’t? They’re making a big deal out of it.” “Yeah, apparently it’s some kind of big-shot or something.”

Nami smirked, a piece of sauce dribbling from the side of her mouth.

“Well, I know where I’m going next~” she said with a grin, confusing Sabo who had the politeness not to spy on people. But before he could ask her anything, their attention was drawn by a loud bang against the outside wall of the restaurant.

“What the heck was that?”

Nami, Sabo and a few other people stepped out of the restaurant to see what the source of the noise was. What met them was a rather odd sight: a dark-skinned young man dressed in a purple outfit, with black hair styled into multiple tufts pointing upwards. Notably, he also had a pair of white wings emerging from his back. However, his appearance wasn’t the odd part. The weird thing was the fact that he had flattened his face and torso against the wall, and his legs were furiously pushing forwards as if he was trying to somehow walk through the wall.

“M-mister Gedatsu!” a random civilian witnessing the man’s strange behaviour called out. “You have to walk in through the door!”

The man, Gedatsu, froze in shock as he heard this. His eyes bulged, and his jaw dropped. Of course, being that he was shoving his face into a wall at the time, his bulging eyes ended up directly touching the wall. Somehow he didn’t seem to mind though.

“YOU DARE TELL ME I’M WRONG?!” he suddenly yelled, turning away from the wall and drawing a pistol from his jacket. He promptly shot the civilian who had explained the concept of doors to him, hitting him in the shoulder and scattering the gathered crowd. As screams rang out and people stampeded all over the place, Nami ducked back inside the restaurant and dragged Sabo along with her.

“What are you doing? Go knock that guy’s teeth in!” Sabo half-yelled at Nami as she pulled him backwards by the arm.

“Look, I’m a pirate. I don’t get involved unless it directly affects me. YOU were an exception. Besides, the Marines will take care of it.”

“Doubt it” a waitress nearby sighed. “That guy’s the son of one of the two Marine captains stationed here. They let him get away with anything. Not that the captains themselves are much better. Tyrants, both of them.”

“What? No way the Marines would let something like that happen!” Sabo replied enraged. “They’re supposed to be keeping the peace, not let madmen shoot people in the street!”

“Look, things are a little less black and white than you think they are” Nami sighed. “In any case, I’ll probably end up kicking the crap out of those two when I free that captured pirate they had.”

“That doesn’t make it any better!”

“Uh… you know I heard that, right?” the waitress from before added. Several other people in the restaurant were also giving the two stares.

“Oh, right. Public place” Nami said as she stared blankly forwards. Suddenly she grabbed Sabo by the arm and ran off, dragging the blonde boy behind her.

“Ow! You’re gonna rip my arm off!”

As they dashed out of the building they passed Gedatsu, who at the moment was busy forgetting to breathe.

“Ok, here’s the plan. I’m gonna head back to my boat and grab my axe, while you head to the Marine base and scout it out” Nami said as they got a good distance between them and the restaurant. Slowing down, she released Sabo’s arm.

“Wait, what? Look, I’m grateful for you saving me and all, but I’m not gonna help you break into a Marine base. I’m still gonna be a Marine some day” the boy declared, rubbing his aching arm.

“After you just learned they let that guy run around shooting people?”

“Well… someone’s got to clean them up! I’m not gonna give up on my dream because of some rotten eggs.”

Nami stared into Sabo’s determined gaze for a little while before sighing with a smile.

“Ok, kid. Go to the Marine base and… I dunno, see if they’ll take you in. I don’t really know how this works” the orange-haired pirate shrugged, scratching the back of her head. “You’d better become a great Marine in one way or another, though. Or I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Sabo grinned.

“Thanks, Nami” he chuckled, before running off towards the Marine base.

* * *

_That night…_

Nami, having retrieved her axe, approached the east side of the compound. The entire base was surrounded by a wall, but it did little to deter the cat thief, who simply climbed over. She saw a couple of guards patrolling the area, as well as a larger gathering near a plaza in the front. From the looks of things, they were preparing the execution platform for tomorrow. But they also seemed to be adding a… second one?

One of the patrolling guards suddenly found himself slammed against the ground, a massive axe hovering over his face.

“Where do you hold the prisoners?”

* * *

_In the Marine base’s built-in prison..._

Gunfire and cries of combat had echoed throughout the building for a while now. Suddenly the wooden door leading to the prisoner cells was cleaved in two, revealing a very pissed off girl with a robot arm and an axe as big as her. The few prison guards stationed there were caught in a struggle of their own survival instincts. On the one hand, trying to fight this madwoman seemed like an absolutely terrible idea. On the other, their superiors were sure to kill them for insubordination if they didn’t. However, they had little time to debate that dilemma, as they were swiftly taken out by the blunt end of the axe slamming into them.

Having sent the guards flying, Nami began checking the cells to look for Sabo and the mysterious pirate. And sure enough, she soon found two figures in the same cell.

“Sabo! What the hell happened?!”

The blonde boy was chained to the wall, covered in bruises and his clothing left in tatters. He weakly looked up at Nami.

“I got mad at the captains… they abused the other Marines… forced the town to pay stupid high taxes... so I tried to beat them up… it didn’t work out though…” he groaned.

“Well, I’ll be sure to do a much better job at it” Nami said with a smile hiding her fury, as an anger vein throbbed on her forehead. Sabo couldn’t help but feel a bit scared, even though her rage was born from concern about him and directed at the people who hurt him.

Taking a deep breath to calm down, Nami turned towards the other figure in the cell. The so-called “big shot” pirate. Like Sabo he had been chained to the wall, but looked much less beaten up than the kid. He was a toned, lightly tanned 19-year old with wooly black hair and thick lips, wearing brown overalls and an olive bandana. The most notable part about his appearance, however, was his incredibly long nose.

“So…” Nami said to draw his attention. “I hear you’re some kind of big-shot pirate?”

“Yes, of course!” the chained pirate grinned proudly, puffing out his chest. “You must have heard stories of the great pirate, the warrior of the sea, the renowned Usopp ‘The Hammer’?”

“No.”

“‘Hammer King’ Usopp?”

“No.”

“‘God’ Usopp’!”

“No.”

“Usopp the Sexy?”

“Stop.”

“Ok.”

“You know, I figured a big-shot pirate would be more… intimidating” Sabo commented.

“Hey! I don’t need to get that from a 12-year old!” Usopp shot back.

“I’m 16!”

“Both of you shut up. Listen, Usopp the Dumbass.” “I don’t remember that epitaph.” “I’m looking for crewmembers, and the fact that they even bothered throwing you in jail proves you’re at least slightly notorious.”

“Ah, I see. You’re hoping the great Usopp will be your new captain! Well, I-”

“No no” Nami interrupted him. She grabbed the bars of the cell and started slowly pulling them apart. Sabo didn’t really raise an eyebrow at this, while Usopp seemed frightened by the girl’s strength. “I’m the captain. You’ll be first mate at best.”

“Well, see about that…” Usopp replied. “It just so happened that while I was in here I contracted ‘Can’t-leave-this-cell disease’, so if I step foot outside I’ll die! So I think I’ll just wait out my sentence and see if I’m cured by then.”

“Uh… you do know they’re gonna execute you tomorrow?” Nami said as she started pulling Sabo’s chains apart.

“Well, that is… ahem, what did you say?” Usopp asked, a nervous smile forming on his face as sweat drops formed along his temples.

“They’ve already set up the execution platform. They’re gonna chop your head off tomorrow” Sabo said as Nami helped him stand up.

“GYAAAAAH! THEY SAID THEY WERE ONLY JAILING ME FOR A COUPLE WEEKS!” Usopp suddenly screamed, thrashing about in a panic. He quickly pulled himself together, coughing a bit to clear his throat and pretending to be calm again. “Hey, would you look at that. My ‘Can’t-leave-this-cell disease’ just got cured. Your offer is still standing, right Captain?”

“You’re a sniveling worm” Nami sighed as she shook her head.

“Why are you so rude?” Usopp whined, collapsing as the words quite literally stabbed him in the chest.

“You’d better not make me regret this…” Nami said as she used her robotic arm’s strength to destroy the chains.

“Not to worry!” Usopp grinned, standing up. “You just made the best decision of your life, captain… uh, what’s your name?”

“Nami. Captain Nami, future Queen of the Pirates.”

“Ambitious.” “And foolish.”

The three stood up straight as they heard two new voices. They quickly stepped out of the cell to see a group of Marines standing at the door leading out of the prison, armed with rifles and swords. Out of the group two in particular stood out: the Marine captains. Both tall, had sheathed swords at their hips, and wearing the typical Marine coat draped over their shoulders. The shorter of the two had light skin and two purple lines painted down the sides of his face. The taller one had dark skin and neatly cut black hair. Marine Captains Pell and Chaka.

“Hm… that kid… going on about how we treat those below us…” Chaka frowned.

“While cohorting with pirates himself” Pell continued, crossing his arms. “The timetable has changed. Execute them all immediately.”

“Uh… even the kid, sirs?” one of the Marine soldiers asked, ignoring Sabo once more insisting he’s not as young as he looks.

Not long after, the Marine had collapsed, a fresh sword wound across his back. Chaka slowly sheathed his sword as he glared down at him.

“I thought we had made the punishments for insubordination quite clear… if nobody else has any objections, fire immedi-”

Before he could finish his order, he was forced to draw his sword once more as Nami leaped forth with surprising speed, attempting to cleave him with her massive axe. Chaka slid backwards, as the Marine troops were scattered from the impact. Pell grit his teeth and reached for his sword… only to find it wasn’t there. Usopp laughed maniacally as he ran down the hallway leading away from the prison, Pell’s sword in hand.

“After him! Get my blade back!” Pell ordered, the Marine soldiers obeying and running after Usopp as Chaka pushed Nami back. The orange-haired pirate growled.

“That damn coward ran away… at least he disarmed one of them” she said, gripping her axe tightly. Only she, Sabo, Pell and Chaka remained in the room. Luckily Sabo had already had the foresight to have run and hid.

“Seems we can’t afford to play around” Chaka stated. Pell nodded and the two Marine Captains began to change shape. Pell’s face sharpened into a beak as brown feathers covered his skin, and two huge wings unfurled from his back. Chaka meanwhile was covered in black fur, his ears and nose elongating into a canine form.

“Devil Fruit users…” Nami muttered, witnessing her opponents transform into a humanoid falcon and jackal, respectively.

“Luckily, I am not completely defenseless without my sword” Pell stated as he reached into his cloak, pulling out two small gatling guns.

“Oh you have got to be kidding me” Nami groaned as Pell opened fire. She quickly brought her axe in front of her, embedding it into the stone floor and allowing the massive blade to block the bullets. Chaka, using the enhanced speed from his Devil Fruit, ran to the side to circle around and attack Nami while she was pinned down from Pell’s barrage.

“Howling Fang” Chaka called out as he put the hilt of his sword in his mouth, before rushing towards Nami at an incredible speed. Unable to move from her cover behind the axe due to Pell’s continued gunfire, Nami was forced to deal with this attack head-on. Once more relying on her durability of her metal arm, she clutched the sword’s blade as it flew towards her. Her other hand shot upwards, punching Chaka in the face and allowing Nami to wrest the sword from his mouth. Finally, she kicked upwards with both legs, hitting Chaka in the stomach and knocking him backwards.

Pell’s eyes widened in shock at seeing his fellow Captain be disarmed and knocked away so quickly. He stretched out his wings before flapping them down with great strength, sending Pell soaring into the air. Flying overhead, he could easily fire at Nami behind her axe. However, what he did not anticipate was Chaka’s sword flying straight up at him. Nami had thrown it upwards with such force that the blade embedded itself into the roof, nearly hitting Pell in the process. Nami grabbed the hilt of her axe and lifted it over her, once more using it as a shield as Pell’s gunfire rained upon her.

Seeing an opportunity, Sabo quickly rushed out from his hiding spot and ran out of the prison, realizing he was way out of his depth.

“Urgh… gonna need to deal with the bird…” Nami groaned. Taking a deep breath, she moved into action. She grabbed the axe’s handle with both hands, dashing towards Chaka as she spun around and slammed the axe into him. Using the momentum of her spin, she quickly threw it up towards Pell, forcing the flying captain to evade the incoming axe. With the gunfire temporarily halted, Nami ran towards one of the prison cells. In addition to the vertical bars making up the cell there were also horizontal bars, and Nami leaped into the air to use one of these as a stepping stone. She leaped off with all her might, soaring up towards Pell, who had only just realized where she was after having his attention drawn to the axe.

Before he could start shooting again Nami slammed into him, making him drop both of his gatling guns. The cyborg pirate quickly scampered over to Pell’s back, wrapping her arms around him in order to pin his wings down.

“W-wait! You’ll make us faaaa-” Pell cried out as his wings were held down, thus no longer able to support the large bird man. As they dropped to the ground, Nami threw her body in such a way so as to make Pell fall head first. Before either Marine captain had the chance to say or do anything else, Pell slammed into the floor with tremendous force. Nami calmly stood up and dusted herself off as the unconscious falcon morphed back into his human form.

But an ominous click warned Nami that she wasn’t safe just yet. Chaka, clutching his ribs and panting heavily, had picked up one of Pell’s dropped guns and aimed it at Nami. After a few tense seconds of the two staring at each other, a loud TWACK echoed through the prison and Chaka fell to the floor. Standing behind him was Usopp holding a hammer.

“To be honest, I didn’t really expect you to come back” Nami smirked.

“I just had to go get my weapon” Usopp grinned proudly, spinning his hammer in his hand. “I may be a liar and a coward, but… wait, let me start over again.”

Before they could continue their conversation, the click of another firearm drew their attention. They slowly turned to see Sabo having returned… as well as Gedatsu. Gedatsu was holding Sabo roughly by the arm, leaving the younger boy to whine about “Why is it always the arm?”

“Hold it! Both of you had better surrender right now, or I’ll shoot!” the dark-skinned male yelled, as he held a gun to… his own head.

“I think he’s forgotten how taking hostages work…” Nami whispered under her breath.

“Do NOT tell him…” Sabo whispered through grit teeth.

“You don’t respect my threats? Then take that!” Gedatsu yelled, as nothing happened. As it became clear he had forgotten that you need to pull the trigger to shoot a gun, Sabo simply reached up, grabbed the gun from his hand and knocked him unconscious with a pistol whip.

Not long after, nervous-looking Marines entered the prison and started dragging Pell, Chaka and Gedatsu into various cells, completely ignoring Nami and Usopp.

“Wait, what are you doing? I thought they were on your side” Nami said with a raised eyebrow, as she walked to pick up her axe.

“Well… we couldn’t refuse any of their orders under threat of death. But now that they’re defeated, we can put them on trail for abuse of power” one of the Marines stated as they locked their former captains in. “Speaking of… you three should probably leave the island as soon as possible. After the defeat of our captains, we were in disarray and unable to capture the ones responsible as they fled in the chaos. That is what we’ll tell our superiors.”

“W-wait” Sabo spoke up. “I… I’m not a pirate! I want to join the Marines!”

“Huh? But you arrived here alongside the girl with the axe, didn’t you?” one of the Marines asked.

“No. We have absolutely nothing connecting the boy with pirates. In fact, this kid heroically saved the life of one of the troops at the base, and thus has proven himself to be worthy of a position despite his young age.”

“Wait, when did that happen?” “Shut up.”

* * *

_That morning, at the Shells Town docks…_

Some of the locals grateful for the tyrannical Marine captains’ defeat had “accidentally” left a bunch of supplies in a barrel near the docks and “unfortunately” that information slipped to the two pirates leaving town, and so they had “sadly” “stolen” the barrel.

“You know, I really expected you to have a bigger ship” Usopp said as he hopped aboard Nami’s boat.

“It was the best I could get for free” Nami shrugged as they set off, just her, Usopp and a barrel with supplies.

“You’re pretty stingy, you know that?”

“Well, a Pirate Queen needs to have a fortune, right?” Nami smirked as she rested against the mast.

As they sailed away, they suddenly spotted Sabo standing at the docks, along with the Marines from the base. The two pirates were confused at first, until Sabo and all the other Marines saluted them.

“Remember: we are NOT saluting the pirates. This is simply a bizarre one-time training exercise that happens to resemble a salute that coincidentally is aimed at pirates.”

* * *

**_Author’s notes:_ **

So I figured I might as well explain a few things about how Shuffle Piece works. Better late than never, right?

By now I’m assuming you’ve all understood the basic concept of the story. But that concept means a lot of pre-planning before I can start writing, specifically in where each character goes. I took around 200 characters from throughout One Piece and manually gave them all new positions, doing my best to make the replacement have enough of a different personality from the original to make it fresh. That pre-planning also means I won’t be able to incorporate new characters in the manga. While I do incorporate some Wano characters, anybody from the Flying Six’s introduction and beyond will NOT be making an appearance.

By that same token, the story will only run until the timeskip at most, and I will only be including the pre-timeskip Straw Hats. However, I do incorporate post-timeskip characters (around 40) which means that there’s a bunch of pre-timeskip characters that won’t be appearing either. Mainly because I just felt it’d be more interesting to have characters like Big Mom, Bartolomeo, Caesar Clown and Queen than Higuma, Nezumi, Woop Slap and Sarquiss.

Also, the choices I made for Nami’s fighting style will make more sense if you know about the unused concept for Nami from the fourth One Piece databook. Google “Nami battle axe”


	5. Orange Town Part 1

“Alas! Adrift, lost at sea. This is the end of Usopp, the great warrior! What a tragic end to such a wondrous figure! Gah…”

“You know, I’d probably take you more seriously if this wasn’t the fourth time you’ve gone on this spiel so far” Nami muttered, resting on her back with her straw hat covering her face.

“You didn’t think about bringing a navigator on board before setting off?” Usopp groaned. “Or, you know, learning how to do it yourself?”

“Nobody else on my home island wanted to be a pirate. How about you? You said you were travelling alone, why didn’t YOU learn any navigation?”

“Ah, you see, about that, I was actually the greatest navigator in the East Blue! But unfortunately, while I was battling an army of Sea Kings I got blasted with amnesia-breath from Grobdor the Ocean-Wyvern. While my mind is obviously too powerful to be completely wiped, I sadly ended up forgetting all of my navigation skills! How unfortunate, right?”

“Right…” Nami sighed as she rolled her eyes.

Their barrel of supplies had just about run out, and the two pirates were looking for an island to stock up. Of course, with both having the navigational skills of a moss-ball, they were mostly just left to drift along the waves, hoping to stumble onto something.

“Hey… what’s that light?” Usopp suddenly asked, drawing Nami’s attention. The captain pulled her hat off her face and moved to take a look for herself. Indeed, something was shining brightly on the horizon. “Maybe it’s a lighthouse? No, why would that be turned on during the day though? Or maybe it’s some sort of Sea King with very shiny scales? Or maybe...”

“It’s a giant hoard of treasure!” Nami suddenly exclaimed, grinning as her eyes turned into Belly-symbols.

“Uh, wait, I don’t think-”

Usopp was once again interrupted as Nami rushed to the back of the boat, grabbing a small handle on her robot arm. She pulled it out, revealing a cord. As she did, her metal hand trembled. She let go of the handle, allowing the cord to retract into the arm, before grabbing it and pulling again. After repeating this a few times, her hand started spinning rapidly like a propeller. She stuck her arm into the water, sending the boat jetting towards the shining light.

* * *

_At an island by the light source…_

_Pant… pant… “Gotta keep running!”_

“Where’d he go?!” “Look out, more of those psychos!”

A nearby house was sent tumbling down, as a hairy man wearing a fake money tail and ears, riding atop a huge gorilla crashed through it. As they fell, they nearly landed on top of someone.

_“Ah! That was close!”_

The man atop the gorilla groaned as he got up, suddenly noticing the individual besides him.

“There you are, you-”

Before he could say anything else, a man wearing a bright blue suit and an oni-mask came leaping out of the building’s wreckage while wielding a bazooka.

“YOOOOOOO~” he bellowed before blasting the bazooka at the gorilla and its rider.

_“Ok, I gotta get outta here!”_

The figure started running once more as the gorilla and its rider battled the bazooka-wielding man.

_“I have to find a place to- OH NO!”_

The running person slid to a halt as two strangers suddenly appeared into view. One was a woman with orange hair, a robotic arm and a massive battle axe hanging from her back. The other was a black-haired man with a very long nose and a hammer dangling off his hip.

“GAAAAH DON’T KILL ME!”

“Uh…” Nami looked down at the figure in front of her with confusion. A very short boy with a big head, covered in brown fur. He also had a pair of brown antlers poking out of his head, a blue animal-like nose and a pair of pointy ears sticking out of the side of his head. His only articles of clothing were a pair of maroon shorts, a dark red leather jacket and a blue backpack. “Why would we kill you? You haven’t stolen anything from me, have you?”

“Nami, I think he might be freaked out because of… you know… that” Usopp pointed out, gesturing towards the rest of the town. Smoke rose, buildings collapsed, and the sound of gunfire, explosions and battlecries filled the air. Nami sighed, squatting down to get closer to the furry boy’s eye level.

“Pirates attacking your town?”

To her surprise, the boy shook his head.

“No, this isn’t my town. I think everybody who lived here ran away already. It’s…no, I can’t talk! I have to get out of here! Do you guys have a boat? Can I tag along?”

Nami sighed, scratching the back of her head.

“Look, we really don’t have a lot of space on our boat, and we barely have enough supplies left to last a day. So-”

“Oh, don’t worry! There’s another island just a couple of hours north-west of here” the fur-covered boy said. “There’s lots of fruit and water there. I can show you how to get there.”

“Wait, show the way? You know how to navigate?”

“Yep! I travel a lot on my own, so I’m a master navigator!” he boasted.

“Well, if that’s the case, then there’s no problem” Nami grinned, standing up. “Hop aboard, tiny.”

“Wait, Nami!” Usopp shot in. “What if he’s a secret spy, and once we’re on board he shows his true face and murders us?!”

Nami looked back down at the wide-eyed baby-looking boy.

“No” she deadpanned back to Usopp. “Come on, let’s get out of here before the war in town decides to move over here.”

But before the three could make their way back to the boat, a woman riding atop a giant turtle came smashing through a wall.

“Huh? Chopper!?” she yelled as she spotted the little reindeer mink. Chopper responded by screaming with wide eyes. “He’s about to escape on that boat! Smash it up, Michelangelo!”

The turtle let out a loud turtle-noise as the twin cannons mounted on its shell slowly angled upwards before firing, releasing two giant cannonballs that made a beautiful arc before smashing into Nami’s boat.

“Ooh… maybe we can still salvage it?” Usopp suggested.

The cannonballs exploded, scattering the splinters of the boat and sending them raining down.

“...anybody need a toothpick?” the long-nosed pirate grinned sheepishly.

Nami took a deep, calm breath before slowly turning towards the woman on the turtle.

“YOU’RE %&¤#ING DEAD!” she roared, her head temporarily growing triple in size as her teeth became razor sharp and her eyes pure white.

The turtle then demonstrated impressive speed as it fled back towards the warzone of the rest of the town.

“Let’s go” Nami sighed, significantly calmer. “We’ll have to find another ship.”

She started walking towards the town, turning around as she realized the other two weren’t following.

“Come on.”

Usopp had his face frozen in fear, clinging to Chopper who was having a very hard time carrying him. They remained like this for a few seconds more before the little mink couldn’t hold on anymore, and they both collapsed.

* * *

“My blaaaaade will dance upon your- GUH!”

As the trio made their way through the town they were under near-constant attack. It quickly became apparent that there were two distinct factions battling each other. The first was a group wearing suits and either wore a mask akin to those worn by kabuki actors, or were dolled up in makeup giving them pearl white skin and various colored markings and designs all over their face. They often spoke in needlessly flowery language and drew out their syllables. The second group were all riding atop giant ferocious animals, from warthogs to birds to even a giant praying mantis. These also tended to wear head-covering items, most of which resembled various animals.

“Go on, Spot! Don’t worry about the girl with the axe, she’s nothing!”

A giant dalmatian charged towards the three, carrying a man wearing a big mascot head of a tennis ball. Nami grit her teeth, clutching her axe and swinging it as the dog pounced to tackle her. The dog did not die, however, as this is anime rules and being chopped by a giant axe just gives you a boo boo and knocks you out. The dog was launched into a nearby building, smashing it to pieces as its rider ended up pinned underneath the massive canine.

“OH NO THIS WAS COMPLETELY UNAVOIDABLE!” the man cried out from the rubble.

“Geez… why are these guys after you, anyway?” Usopp asked, glancing over at Chopper. The short mink had picked up a metal pipe to help fight off the various attackers.

“Well, it’s really just the ones on the animals that are trying to get me. I was running away from them when we got to this place, where I guess some pirate group had set up base. They started arguing and fighting, and I took the opportunity to run. And then I ran into you guys” Chopper explained.

“Ok, but that doesn’t really answer my question…” Usopp sighed.

“More importantly” Nami suddenly declared, turning around to face Chopper. “We saw something big and shiny before we got here. Is that from a big treasure hoard or not?”

“Shouldn’t you be more concerned about our current situation?! I was almost eaten by a lion the size of a building!” Usopp yelled. “AFTER having a guy in a tengu mask accuse me of stealing his nose. And then he tried to stab me.”

Nami responded to Usopp’s concerns by completely ignoring him, instead focusing on Chopper.

“Uh, no… there’s a bunch of mirrors on the ship of the guys in suits, so the sun makes it all shiny” the reindeer explained, taking a step back. Nami’s mood swings frightened him.

The orange-haired pirate dropped to her knees, face down and butt up as she began tearing up.

“No treasure… our boat was smashed… waaah…”

At that moment, a man in a purple suit and kabuki makeup came charging out of an alley with a halberd.

“Yoyoi! A vulnerable foooe!” he yelled as he rushed forth to try stabbing Nami. Before he could do so, however, there was a blur and his target suddenly appeared behind him… and a huge gash appeared across his torso.

“DON’T INTERRUPT MY SELF-PITY!” Nami yelled.

“My deepest apologies” the man groaned before collapsing into unconsciousness.

“Well, whether or not there’s treasure there, the pirate’s base will be our best bet at getting a boat” Nami calmly said as she sheathed her axe on her back.

“HOLD IIIIIIT~”

The trio’s attention was drawn to a nearby rooftop, where two figures stood silhouetted against the sun.

“And so the end comes

Three fools fighting with passion

Will fall against us~”

The two jumped off the roof, quickly striking dramatic poses as soon as they landed. The first was a large man with a very wide torso dressed in a black suit. His skin was fully covered in white makeup, with black around his eyes and lips. Flowing from his head was a truly ludicrously huge mane of light pink hair. The man stood with his open palm outstretched towards Nami, Usopp and Chopper, bending at the knees, right eye closed and resting a green staff on his shoulder.

The other was just as huge in size and wore a bright pink suit with a green tie. He was also covered in white makeup, with dark red around his mouth and pink circles on his cheeks. His hair was equally huge, colored crimson rather than light pink. His pose was a mirrored version of that of his companion, although he was holding a giant purple paintbrush rather than a staff.

“‘Tis uuuuus!” “The strongest members of the Snazzy Kabuki Pirates~” “Baaaarring our wondrous caaaaaptain, of course of course~”

“First Mate Kumadori!” the man in the black suit declared, striking another pose.

“And Chief of Staff Kanjuro!” the other added, posing as well.

Nami, Usopp and Chopper stared at them in silence as the two pirates struck various poses, each siller than the last.

“YOYOI!! It seeeeems that they are struck with terrible anguish and terror, leaving their undergarments to be flooded with the repercussions of their fear!” Kumadori sang. “Oh, it is truly a blessing and a curse to be of such eeeeeeexcellence!”

“Ka, ka, ka” Kanjuro chuckled darkly. “Then let us end the girl and the tengu quickly. We’ll bring the tanuki to the captain, it seems these riders are pretty interested in him.”

“I’ve listened to you two for ten seconds, and I already hate you both” Nami frowned, speaking with not-at-all concealed contempt. Kanjuro reacted by clutching his heart and bending his back until his head hit the ground.

“ACK! Such cruelty! Such evil words! My heart has been pierced! My soul has been rent asunder!”

“Ahah! Yes! That is my secret technique!” Usopp suddenly laughed, placing his fists on his hips proudly. “The pain in your heart indicates that my Soul Rip technique has been activated! Leave now, or your very soul will be ripped out of your body, leaving you adrift for all eternity!”

Hearing Usopp's bluff, Kanjuro slowly stood up with a deadpan expression.

“You know I was exaggerating, right?” the kabuki painter asked dryly.

“I was kinda hoping you’d be a lot dumber…” Usopp shrugged as a drop of sweat formed on the side of his head.

“A Soul Rip?! Truly a devilish techniiiiiique! We cannot allow such a power be let loose on the world! Our very honor demands that we slaaaaaay this demon!” Kumadori said dramatically, getting into a battle-ready pose. His crewmate glanced at him without changing his expression.

“Huh? Usopp, you know how to rip out souls?! That’s scary! And cool! And also scary!” Chopper asked, his eyes bulging with amazement and fear.

Nami let out a deep sigh, her palms firmly planted over her face.

“Prepaaaare yourself, for I shall strike you down before you can rend my soul as well~” Kumadori sang before lunging towards Usopp, to the long-nosed pirate’s horror. But before the staff-wielding man could reach his target, metal clamped around his face. Nami had jumped to grab Kumadori’s face with her robot arm, and proceeded to brutally slam the back of his head into the ground, leaving a small crater as chunks of pavement flew in all directions. Before Kanjuro could even fully react, Nami had ran up to him and grabbed his shoulder in a painful grip. She pulled him down into a crouch in order to look him in the eyes.

“Heeeeey~” she said in a sickeningly sweet voice, putting on a happy face. “I was just looking for some directions to your base. See, we need a boat so we can get away from here. You’ll help a sweet, innocent girl out, won’t you?”

The tight grip she had on his shoulder underlined a threat along with that request. Kanjuro grit his teeth and glared at Nami… then suddenly started tearing up and trembling. Nami blinked and leaned back a bit, just in time for Kanjuro to completely break down. His face twisted as waterfalls of tears shot out of his eyes like high-pressure hoses, and he bellowed in anguish.

“WAAAAUGH! KUMADOOOOOOORIIIII! GUAAAAAAAH! PWUEASH DON HUWT MEEEEH!”

Nami let go of the screaming man as he thrashed about, bawling his eyes out and babbling incomprehensibly.

“Wow, hey, take it easy” Nami tried to calm him down, while also slowly stepping away to a safer distance. “Just… tell us where the base is and we’ll leave. We won’t hurt you at all.”

He seemed to calm down at least slightly, though still trembling like crazy. With a shaking finger he pointed down one of the nearby streets.

“D-d-down that way… then second to the left… and a right… and you’re there… now, g-go and don’t hurt me!”

Kanjuro turned away from the three, cowering and whimpering. Nami shook her head and turned towards the other two. They resolved to leave silently, leaving the sobbing wreck in peace. They ventured down the street he had pointed them towards, and soon the crying Kanjuro was out of sight.

That’s when Kanjuro’s sobbing immediately stopped. His tears dried quickly and he stood up with a calm and serious expression. Grabbing his paintbrush, he quickly painted a carrier pigeon on a nearby wall.

“Appear” he commanded, causing the painting to morph out of the wall into a three-dimensional, physical pigeon. Using one hair of his paintbrush, he scribbled down a message on a small piece of paper and attached it to the pigeon’s leg. “Deliver this to the captain immediately.”

As the bird flew off, Kanjuro turned towards his seemingly defeated crewmate. He walked over to Kumadori and delivered a swift kick to his side. The black-suited kabuki jolted awake and sat up, rubbing the back of his head and groaning.

“Ack, such carelessness!” Kumadori whined, making an overdramatic expression of tragedy. “To have allooowed myself to be knocked down in such a manner, it is an eternal stain on my hooooonooooor! The only way I may redeem myself… is through seppuku! YOYOI!”

He grabbed his staff and raised it, crying out as he prepared to stab himself with it. But before he could, Kanjuro snatched the staff out of his hands.

“Will you stop that?” he snarled as he handed the staff back to him. “Come on, we’ve got to meet up with the rest of the crew.”

* * *

Following Kanjuro’s instructions, Nami, Usopp and Chopper marched down the streets of the abandoned town. They noticed that the sounds of combat were dying down, and that they weren’t constantly attacked by enemies like before. As relieving as that was, it was also concerning, since they didn’t know if it was simply that all the enemy combatants were down… or if one or both sides were planning something.

They soon turned the corner to the right that Kanjuro had told them to, they only found a dead end. Walls surrounded them on three sides, with nary a base in sight.

“Huh? I don’t get it. He said the base was gonna be here, but it’s not. Is he an idiot?” Chopper mused, scratching his head.

“A liar and a coward… not worthy of calling himself a pirate!” Usopp declared with a staggering lack of self-awareness. Nami just sighed and shook her head.

“Well, seeing as we’re in a dead end, I’m assuming there’s an ambush waiting right behind us” she said as she crossed her arms. She didn’t turn around, but Usopp and Chopper did, seeing nothing. However, two voices talking in sync spoke up.

“You’re not making this any fun!” “You’re not making this any fun!”

“...wait, who said that?!” “...wait, who said that?!”

Usopp and Chopper slowly looked at each other, as Nami just rubbed her temples.

“Did we both plan separate ambushes at the same time?!” “Well, we can’t both spring them at the same time.” “LastonetosaynotithastogosecondNOTIT!” “Not i- ah dang it.” “Ha ha!”

And so a big group of pirates dressed in suits, masks and makeup stepped out from behind corners leading into the dead end alleyway. Front and center were Kanjuro and Kumadori, as well as one other person standing between them.

“Oooh… well aren’t you three scary…” the middle man said in a calm tone. Though he wasn’t quite as tall as the long-haired kabukis, he was still a towering yet somewhat slim figure. He wore a mask resembling a Japanese macaque, which also had amber sunglasses taped to it, and was dressed up in a yellow suit with darker vertical stripes. His hands were in his pockets, and his overall demeanour was very carefree and didn’t show any of the energetic showmanship of his underlings. “I’m captain Borsalinoooo~”

“Herein lies the value of a proper deception” Kanjuro grinned evilly, his paintbrush dripping with black ink.

“To have fallen for such an obvious plooooy… it is a stain on your honor! I accept the full blame for this farce!” Kumadori said somberly, preparing to stab himself with his staff again. However, Borsalino casually kicked the staff aside.

“Hey, don’t do that” the yellow-suited captain said calmly.

Usopp and Chopper frowned at them, and Nami still hadn’t turned around to face the newcomers. But before anybody had the chance to do or say anything else, another disembodied voice spoke up.

“Ok, that’s your ambush. Now it’s our turn!”

Shadows filled the alley, and all eyes within were drawn upwards to see figures staring down at them from above. The mounted pirates had assembled on the rooftops, like predators preparing to pounce prey. Chopper’s eyes suddenly grew wide as he recognized a particular member of the pack.

“Ah! Mohji!” he cried out, eyes bulging out as he took a step backwards. Sitting atop a large, odd-colored lion was a bearded muscular man wearing a white fur vest. His white hair was styled to look like bear ears.

“Hello again, Chopper” he smirked evilly. “I-”

“Who is this guy?” Usopp asked Chopper, interrupting Mohji. “Is he the captain of these clowns on the animals?”

“No, not really” Chopper admitted, turning to face Usopp.

Mohji blinked and spoke up again. “Hey, I… wasn’t done talking.”

But Chopper didn’t care.

“He’s the Lieutenant of the Rider Corps, so he’s got a boss within the Rider Corps-” “He’s not my BOSS, he’s… just got a slightly higher rank. We’re more like equals.” ”...and then there’s a captain that they both obey.” “And she likes me better than the other guy!”

“So… he’s a goon under a goon?” Usopp summarized. Chopper confirmed with a nod, much to Mohji’s chagrin. “Wait… so you’re being hunted by an organization big enough to have ALL these guys as just a side-gang of minions? Chopper, what did you DO?”

“Enough!” Mohji yelled, pulling his lion’s mane in frustration. “Listen here, you-”

Before he could finish that sentence, he exploded. Or rather, a beam fired from below engulfed both rider and lion in an explosion as it hit Mohji.

“LIEUTENANT MOHJI!” the other riders cried out, quickly drawing a hasty retreat to retrieve their unconscious and charred leader.

Nami, Usopp and Chopper all felt sweatdrops form as their jaws dropped, slowly looking down to see the source of the beam. Captain Borsalino stood with one hand raised, index finger pointed towards where Mohji had been. He slowly lowered his hand and put it back into his pocket.

“Ka, ka, ka… Now that that’s out of the way…” Kanjuro chuckled, pointing his paintbrush towards the trio.

“It is time for the final act!” Kumadori said, punctuating his statement with a flashy pose. “I shall aveeeeenge my stained honor by, as a tribe of grand warriors I once encountered say, laying the smackdown on you! Prepare yourseeeeelf, foul demons!”

“Ooooh, Mister Kumadori is all fired up! How scary…” Borsalino said softly.

Suddenly, all the Snazzy Kabuki Pirates yelled out “YOYOI!!” (Borsalino simply spoke the word instead) and struck various over the top-poses. However, Borsalino’s pose consisted of him sticking out his thumb, index and pinkie fingers on both hands and almost crossing his arms.

“You know, those beast rider guys were pretty well armed” Nami suddenly said, still not turning around.

“Carried around a whole bunch of weapons, from guns to explosives” Usopp continued with a smirk.

“And while fighting all of you, they sometimes dropped bags they used to carry around all their stuff” Chopper grinned, as both him and Usopp took a few steps backwards.

“In particular, some guy who specialized in bombs” Nami said, raising her hand to reveal a small device in her right hand. Realization gradually dawned upon the Snazzy Kabuki Pirates as they stared at the device, then noticed some conspicuously placed bags on either side of the opening leading into the alleyway. The same opening where they were all standing, whereas Nami, Usopp and Chopper were well out of the danger zone.

“...maybe we should have had someone tail them as they walked?”


	6. Orange Town Part 2

Glassware shattered and furniture fell over as Orange Town trembled. A blinding light and a cloud of smoke, followed by an earthshaking noise that sent a wave of relief down the spines of the fleeing beastriders, knowing that they were out of the danger zone. Nami, Usopp and Chopper raised their arms as a wave of dust, rubble and force washed over the trio. Their feet skid against the pavement as the shockwave pushed them backwards. Still, a mild push was preferable to being caught in the middle of the explosion, like the Snazzy Kabuki Pirates were.

Or, at least, like most of the Snazzy Kabuki Pirates. As Nami and her friends opened their eyes, they saw two figures flying through the air towards them. Kumadori and Kanjuro had leaped forward before the explosion, and thus managed to avoid the brunt of the damage. Only their respective manes of hair had been singed in the blast. Both of them had their respective weapons raised as they fell towards the trio of pirates, Kumadori falling directly towards Usopp while Kanjuro aimed at Chopper. Weapons were readied and fighting stances were entered.

Nami tightened her grip on her axe as she prepared to attack the two falling pirates, when suddenly a bright light flashed from inside the cloud of dust and smoke. Next thing she knew, a shoeprint was being painfully embedded into her face. Then, more pain in the back of her head as it smashed through something solid. Before she had any idea what was going on, Nami was in free fall, and her axe had dropped from her hand. She landed roughly on a wooden floor, groaning from the pain surging through her body. She painstakingly opened one eye, just as a figure appeared above her in a flash of light. The figure had one leg raised, ready to stomp down on her. Nami just barely managed to roll out of the way before the stomp shattered the wooden boards. But she didn’t escape unharmed, as an explosion sent her flying into another wall.

Both Usopp and Chopper stared in utter shock and disbelief at what had just transpired. Borsalino had emerged completely unharmed from the explosion, and kicked Nami through a wall before any of them had time to react. And the possibility of trying to help her out was made null and void by the attackers directly in front of the two.

“YOYOI!” Kumadori called out as he swung his staff down to strike Usopp, inadvertently shaking his opponent out of his stunned daze. The long-nosed pirate just barely managed to bring his hammer up in time, using the surprisingly sturdy handle to block the incoming staff.

“I shall puuuuurge this beautiful world of your sinful existence, demon!” the pink-haired kabuki yelled as he jumped backwards, spinning his staff around before striking another pose.

“Are you still on about that?!” Usopp yelled in disbelief.

Meanwhile, Chopper was forced to jump out of the way of Kanjuro thrusting his brush right where the short mink was standing. Initially thinking the malicious artist would do a follow-up attack, Chopper stayed on the defensive, but was surprised to see Kanjuro paint on the ground instead.

“Um… I thought we were supposed to fight?” Chopper said confused, tilting his head and lowering his metal pipe.

“That’s what I’m doing... “ Kanjuro smirked cruelly as he finished his drawing. “Appear!”

From Kanjuro’s drawing emerged a being as tall as the vicious painter himself, a red-skinned long-nosed humanoid with wings and dressed in a yamabushi’s outfit. The creature unsheathed a katana as it turned to face Chopper, sneering down at the now very frightened reindeer.

“AHA! Your true form has been revealed, tengu fiend!” Kumadori yelled while repeatedly swinging his staff at Usopp.

“Seriously?!”

The shorter of the two long-nosed combatants was being pushed against the wall by Kumadori’s assault, when suddenly he jumped backwards into the wall. Kicking against it he flew against Kumadori and delivered a mighty blow with his hammer as he flipped over the tall kabuki.

At the same time, Chopper leaped to the side to avoid a devastating downwards slash from his winged opponent, ending up right beside Usopp.

“U-Usopp! What are we gonna do? What’s going to happen to Nami?” Chopper asked, holding his metal pipe up in a defensive position as the three-dimensional tengu drawing twirled its blade menacingly.

“Right now, the best thing we can do is keep these guys from following her. We’ll just have to rely on her to handle things on her own” Usopp stated, hammer at the ready as Kumadori turned around dramatically with a comical bump on his forehead. “And if not, we run very far very fast.”

“Don’t say things like that!”

* * *

Nami dove through a window just before an explosion levelled the house, Borsalino calmly walking out of the crumbling ruins with his hands in his pockets.

“You know, that big blast you guys made was real scaaaaary…” he calmly stated as he walked up to Nami, who was still recovering from the tall man’s relentless attacks. His foot shone as he prepared to kick her again, but this time she managed to throw herself backwards in time. Instead of hitting her, the kick simply fired a laserbeam into another building, blowing it up. “Oooh, you reeeeally should be dead by now. It’s rude of you to still be alive, you know? You should at least have the decency to stop moving around so much.”

Nami responded with a punch in Borsalino’s gut. However, her fist simply phased through the yellow-suited man. It was like punching air, his body turning into pure light wherever she touched him. He tilted his head as he looked at her, his expression unreadable beneath his macaque-mask. A sharp pain suddenly struck Nami’s chin, and soon she was once again sent flying into the air, this time by Borsalino’s knee.

“Ooh, I love skeet shooting…” the light man said calmly as he lifted a hand out of his pocket and pointed a finger towards the airborne Nami. He lined up his shot, taking his time… until Nami just smashed through the roof into the second floor of one of the buildings nearby. “Looks like I was too slow to the draw agaaaain…”

Given a short break from Borsalino’s merciless barrage, Nami clenched her fist and slammed it against the wooden floor. She was clutching her side, panting heavily as every nerve in her body screamed in pain and most of her skin was charred from explosions.

“Damn it… how am I supposed to fight someone I can’t even touch?”

A flash of light announced Borsalino entering the building as well, his prodigious height just barely fitting beneath the roof.

“I think you’re supposed to just diiiiie...”

Once more Nami was forced to roll out of the way of another explosion-causing stomp from Borsalino. Of course, given that they were on the second floor, the explosion caused the entire floor to collapse and drop the two pirates down to the first floor. Desperate, Nami looked around for something, anything that could potentially harm the seemingly untouchable villain. Her axe had been dropped when she was first kicked through the wall, though it was unlikely to do much more than her punches. In a last ditch effort, she started grabbing and throwing whatever random objects she could get her hands on within the house.

“Oooh, growing scared are you? That’s understandableeee…” Borsalino said as he phased through the rubble of the collapsed second floor, the things Nami threw harmlessly passing through as well. But suddenly, to the surprise of both of them, something shattered against Borsalino’s head. His macaque-mask was broken as well, revealing the captain’s wrinkled and somewhat off-putting face. But more than that, it actually properly hit him. His neck arched backwards, and he stumbled back a few steps more in surprise than anything. There was a pause, as both combatants tried to figure out what had happened.

* * *

“LIFE RETURN!”

Kumadori clasped both hands around his staff and hit it against the ground, as his flowing pink hair started to lengthen and move around on its own. Before Usopp even had the chance to ask what was going on, the hair formed into a series of sharp tentacles that shot forwards in an attempt to stab the hammer-wielding pirate. The hair proved itself strong enough to pierce stone as Usopp narrowly avoided the attacks, the stabs hitting the walls and ground instead.

“And you call ME a demon? You futakuchi!” Usopp yelled, unable to get close to Kumadori while his hair threatened to perforate him.

“Silence! Your poisoned tongue no longer affects me! My dear mother in heaven shields me!”

“Your mom is still alive, you idiot!” Kanjuro yelled at his over-dramatic crewmate. He shook his head before returning to his painting, featuring a giant skeleton. Chopper, meanwhile, was still struggling with the cruel painter’s past creations. The tengu warrior had been joined by an oni, a kappa and a small cyclops known as a hitotsume-kozo. The reindeer mink was panting and sweating heavily, having nowhere near as much fighting experience as the rest of the combatants here. Just staying on the defensive was already tiring him out, and the enemy’s forces were only growing. They had the poor boy backed into a corner, as Kanjuro watched with sadistic glee.

“Don’t kill him just yet… I wanna give some payback for that bomb trick. Now, appear! Gashadokuro!”

With that, the giant skeleton drawing came to life, towering over everybody else in the area. As Chopper saw it, his heart sank. He had been hoping he’d be able to keep Kanjuro’s drawings from getting him until Nami or Usopp would be able to come save him, but it was becoming clear that that would be impossible for him to achieve.

“I have to do this on my own…” Chopper gulped, deflecting a sword slash from the tengu and dodging a strike from the oni’s iron club. “But I can’t fight them… can’t fight them…”

The metal pipe clanged against the ground, before Chopper fell onto his very short knees. He then fully collapsed, face down on the stone pavement. The yokai-drawings stopped, remembering their creator’s wishes. Seeing the reindeer lie prone put a cruel grin on Kanjuro’s face. He stopped his painting and slowly walked over to Chopper.

“Ah, better make sure this isn’t a trick…” he said calmly, snapping his fingers and making each of his four drawings pin down one of Chopper’s admittedly tiny limbs. The giant skeleton was forced to use a pinkie finger for this.

“Ch-Chopper!” Usopp called out, seeing the distressing scene.

“Silence! Your vanquishing will not be delayed by your concerns for another! Yoyoi!”

Kumadori’s hairtillery continued laying down a barrage upon Usopp, whose short-ranged hammer was ill-suited against Kumadori’s long range.

“Can’t get close… if only those hair-whips weren’t moving around so much!” Usopp grumbled as he danced through the danger. But he wasn’t just avoiding attacks, he was also peeking in through the windows of the nearby houses. Looking for a special something he had in mind to deal with Kumadori’s hair. “Ah, here we go…”

Usopp suddenly dove in through a window, before diving straight back out. In his hand was a box he had taken from inside one of the buildings. He raised one leg, placing the foot besides the knee on his other leg. His hammer was raised up, and he extended the arm holding the box in a pose.

“Now you shall witness the brilliant tactical prowess of Usopp the Magnificent!”

“I WILL NOT LET YOU TRAP MY SOUL WITHIN THAT BOX TO FOREVER SERVE YOU IN UNDEATH!” Kumadori yelled as his hair lunged forth once more.

“WHEN DID I EVER SAY I WAS GONNA DO THAT?!”

Usopp once more avoided the hair-stabs, but this time he had a plan. With a flick of the box, a small object emerged, and he used his hammer to slam it down on a hair-tentacle that had just embedded itself in the ground right in front of Usopp. He then hit the hammer several more times. Kumadori was confused at first, but when he tried to pull that hair that had been hit back, he found that most of it was stuck.

“Wait… that box… don’t tell me?!”

“That’s right!” Usopp grinned proudly. “NAILS!”

“WHAT A DIRTY TRICK!” Kumadori roared, as he attempted one more time to skewer Usopp with a barrage of hair spikes. But Usopp was too fast, avoiding and nailing down each of the lethal clumps of hair. Kumadori ended up completely trapped, as whatever hair wasn’t actually pinned down by the nails were tangled up with other strands.

“I shall have to call upon the wisdom of the elders to discover a path out of this situation…” the kabuki said as he closed his eyes, clasping his palms together in meditation. Right then, Usopp hit him in the face with a hammer. “AH! MY WISDOM!”

“USOPP POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW!” the long-nosed pirate yelled as he swung his hammer into Kumadori’s face with each resounding “POW”, eventually knocking the pale-faced man backwards with such force that all of his hair was ripped out, leaving him entirely bald. Nevertheless, Kumadori stood long enough to deliver a haiku before he fell.

“My wounds are mounting

And so a brave warrior falls

Oh god my head hurts”

As the large pirate collapsed, Usopp ran over to check on Chopper.

* * *

Kanjuro’s dark red lips split open to show teeth as pearl white as his skin. With Chopper exhausted and pinned down by four of Kanjuro’s creations, things seemed bleak for the poor reindeer. The tengu drawing handed Kanjuro his katana, the summoned weapon as sharp and dangerous as the real thing.

“Maybe I’ll start by-”

“WAIT! What you’ve heard about my fur is a lie!” Chopper suddenly yelled out.

“Your… fur?” Kanjuro asked, raising an eyebrow curiously.

“You must have heard all about how mink fur makes for the greatest brushes, right? Well, it’s a lie! S-so there’s no need to do anything cruel!”

Kanjuro scratched his chin, staring down at Chopper. He had never heard about anything like that before. But he always looked for new ways to elevate his art...

“Well… it doesn’t matter what other people say. I’ll check it for myself. Now then, just lie still and this will be over soon.”

The kabuki painter knelt down, placing one hand on Chopper’s head while the other raised the katana up high. But he stopped when a small light caught his attention. He didn’t see where it came from, but it was soon followed by another. Small lights quickly dancing over Chopper’s body, growing brighter and more numerous. By the time Kanjuro heard a humming sound and understood what was about to happen, it was too late.

“Electro!”

Electricity surged from Chopper’s body and into the five enemies surrounding him, temporarily paralyzing them as bolts arced between them. The painted demons began dissolving from the voltages coursing through them, fading into nothingness as the Electro stopped. Chopper, now even more exhausted than before, smiled happily. He couldn’t actually see what was going on since he was still face-down, but he assumed Kanjuro had gone down with his creations. After all, he couldn’t still be standing after a shock like that, right?

“Ok… kill you from a distance… got it…” the crimson-haired man panted, lightly charred from the electrocution but still very much standing. Chopper’s heart dropped. A chill went down his spine, as tears of fear started welling up in his eyes. The Electro had taken all he had left. He was unable to even stand up to face his would-be executioner. A cold fury radiated from the pale man as he picked up his brush, poising to finish off the exhausted mink. He raised his weapon, and…

Kanjuro fell forwards, landing face first besides Chopper. Using the last of his strength, Chopper looked up to see his long-nosed savior:

“Special Usopp Technique: Attacking From Behind!”

* * *

Nami lunged back and forth as she avoided Borsalino’s attacks. Explosions and lasers blasted the barely-standing house, as the orange-haired girl somehow managed to stay mostly unscathed. While dodging she was slowly making her way towards where Borsalino had stood when that one object smashed into him. Considering the ease with which he phased through everything else, it seemed unlikely he simply messed up. Whatever it was that hit him it seemed to be able to somehow nullify his intangibility.

“Oooh… you’re quite elusiiiiive… I think I should just blow everything up~” the yellow-suited captain said calmly, before disappearing into the air with a flash of light. He reappeared above the house, crossing his arms as he prepared his next attack. Nami took the brief lull in the barrage to dive over to her target, quickly scooping it up in her metal hand. She peered down at her palm to see… her own face staring back at her. Confused, she lowered her arm, and now she instead saw the figure of Borsalino in her palm.

“A… mirror?” Nami whispered under her breath. As a bright light started reflecting from the mirror, she knew it was time to get out of there.

“Yasakani Sacred Jewel” Borsalino said in his usual laid-back voice, as a torrent of deadly light projectiles started raining down over the building Nami was in. Taking advantage of the fact that he couldn’t see her through what remained of the roof, Nami dashed through the back door to escape the assault. “I have to find another mirror… a big one!”

She looked down at her metal arm, still clutching the sharp mirror shard.

“Then again…”

* * *

More random explosions rung out through the ghost town. Borsalino had lost track of Nami when she ran out of the building, and thus he was left fruitlessly searching for her… by blowing everything up.

“Oooh, this is like one of those horror novels, isn’t it? Hiding from the big scary bad guuuuuuy… but you’ll run out of buildings before I run out of stamina, so it’s pointless to hiiiiide...” the calm man said as he casually walked through the streets, firing off a barrage of destruction at random around him.

Suddenly, from the second floor window of a building not yet blown up by the light man, Nami leaped through the glass carrying a standing mirror. She raised it high, poised to strike. But Borsalino, calm as ever, simply threw a piece of rubble he had been carrying with him for this exact occasion. The stone smashed the mirror into pieces, leaving Nami without a big weapon once more.

“I knew you’d do that… thinking you could win with just a big old mirrooooor?” Borsalino said as he calmly watched Nami fall towards him, her victory condition apparently having been literally shattered.

“Not with a mirror…” Nami shouted back, gritting her teeth with determination. She raised her robotic left arm, which Borsalino noticed looked quite a bit shinier than before. A shine of sunlight bounced off of it, and soon enough Borsalino’s wrinkled face was mirrored on the metal of Nami’s knuckles. “With polish!”

Clean enough to reflect light like a mirror, Nami’s metal fist collided with immense force. Borsalino was not used to taking hits, his Devil Fruit’s intangibility making physical damage a thing of the past. Or so he thought. His already somewhat odd face was distorted furter as Nami’s punch dug into it. He was knocked on his back by the powerful blow, landing with such force that he bounced into the air, flipping over to land on his face. Body splayed out like a star, with nary a “Oooh” to be heard, Captain Borsalino of the Snazzy Kabuki Pirates was finally defeated.

Feeling the temptation irresistible, Nami celebrated her victory in the most appropriate way she could think of: hands fully opened, knees bent and palms outstretched as she struck a kabuki pose.


	7. Syrup Village

“Go go go go go go go!”

The dinky little raft that constituted the Straw Hat Pirates’ ship moved at such speed that the bow didn’t even touch the water. Nami had put her spinning hand-propeller to use once more, while Usopp and Chopper were busy screaming in terror and holding each other. The source of their fear came from the island that they had just left, the next stop after their departure from Orange Town. Specifically, it came from the person they met there.

“I thought you said this island was uninhabited!” Usopp whined, clutching his small furry navigator in a panic.

“It thought it was! I’d never heard about any giants living there before now!”

Said giant towered over the forest on the island as he watched the pirates flee, letting out a mighty roar that shook the ground and created waves in the surrounding sea. Standing at over 60 meters in height, the giant had yellow skin, long orange hair and a pair of tusks protruding from his lower jaw, and wielded a massive sword that seemed mostly redundant given that his size was more than deadly enough of a weapon. This was the figure known as the Guardian of the Island of Rare Animals!

Once the giant was out of sight (which took a while, given his tremendous size) Nami let out a sigh of relief and shut off the propeller. She flopped onto her back, quivering as her robot arm went completely limp.

“I’m sowwyyyyy” Chopper sniffed as a stream of globby tears poured from the mink’s eyes. “You relied on me to navigate, and the first place I led you to had a giant scary… giant!”

Nami sighed as she sat up, gently patting Chopper on the head to calm the tearful boy down.

“Don’t worry about it” she reassured him. “You got us where we were aiming to go. It’s better than Usopp ever managed to do.”

“You didn’t do it either…” Usopp commented with a low grumble, lazily letting his hand trail along the surface of the sea.

“Well, in any case...” Nami said as she stood up, pulling up her straw hat to shield her eyes from the sun as she surveyed the horizon. “We clearly won’t be getting any supplies from that island. We’ll just have to move on to. Chopper, what’s the nearest island?”

“Ack! My poor stomach… I’m going to starve at this rate” Usopp whined overdramatically. “To have the legend of Usopp, brave warrior of the sea, end with a shriveled sunburnt corpse in a dinghy... gack.”

Usopp went limp, hanging halfway over the side of the boat with his tongue sticking out. Chopper immediately started freaking out again, while Nami just sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“You’re welcome to go back and get some food there…”

That suggestion immediately made Usopp sit up straight.

“You know, starvation really isn’t that bad of a way to go. In fact, I hear it’s one of the best ways to die” the long-nosed fighter nervously chuckled, as Chopper was amazed at his rapid recovery from near-death.

“Of course” Nami nodded, knowing better than to try to question or argue this point. “Well, Chopper? Got any suggestions for where we go next?”

Chopper went back to his little stack of maps and navigational tools, checking them for a few seconds before replying.

“It seems like Gecko Islands are the closest right now. Should only take a few hours to get there, actually.”

“Then that’s where we’ll go next” Nami smiled, doing a brave adventurous pose with her fists on her hips as she stared off to the horizon. This was interrupted by a rather loud grumble coming from Nami’s stomach, followed by her collapsing face-down ass-up. “Uuuugh… I’m hungry too.”

* * *

Usopp grunted as he pushed the boat further up the beach, securing it from being taken by the waves. Meanwhile Chopper was studying the map a bit more as Nami did a quick surveying of the beach. The beach they had landed at was at the bottom of two small cliffs, with a single path going up to a forest at the top of the cliffs. But the thing that drew Nami’s attention the most was a colorful box in the middle of the path.

“Hm… wonder what that weird box is” Nami pondered aloud. There weren’t any buildings, signs or other things that would give a reason for the box to be there, and the peculiar tacky design only made it more curious.

As if on cue, the stomachs of all three Straw Hats grumbled in chorus.

“Maybe there’s food in there…” Nami suggested hopefully, before all three ran over to investigate the box.

Now that they were closer they could make out the box’s design better. It was a square box 40 centimetres each way, with dark red sides and cyan edges. In the middle of each side was a picture of a blue star, and sticking out of one of the sides was a crank with a dark red handle. The size 

“Doesn’t look like it would have any food… is it really ok if we open it?” Chopper asked pensively, tilting his head as he looked at the crank.

“Of course it is!” Nami grinned. “We’re pirates after all~”

She leaned in to open the box… when it suddenly flung open all on its own! And out of the top emerged a strange figure. Or rather, the head of one, with a body that seemingly consisted of a spring covered by cyan-and-blue star-patterned felt. The head itself was built to include both a hat and a face. The hat part had three prongs, one straight up and two diagonally to each side. The hat and head were orange, while a grey face with bushy yellow eyebrows had been put in the middle of the head shape.

Having a weird jack-in-the-box suddenly pop out on a deserted beach would be enough to startle anyone. Having that same jack-in-the-box then start talking did nothing to soothe that fear.

“YOOOOOOO! A SUUUPER welcome to-” was all the talking toy got out before a metal fist decked him in the face. The impact knocked the head backwards, pulling its spring body along with it and making the box fall over.

“Hurt it! Hurt it with violence before it can hurt us!” Usopp yelled, him and Chopper both hiding behind an equally freaked out Nami. All three pirates stared at the downed jack-in-the-box with wide open eyes, nobody moving a muscle.

“Is he… dead?” Chopper asked nervously. As soon as he finished that sentence though, the jack-in-the-box pushed the back of its head against the sandy beach with enough force to knock the box right side up.

“Ain’t no way a single punch won’t not never take me down, not at all!” the toy declared, in a tone that indicated he’d be grinning if he could move his face. “I’ve been especially durable this week! I could take at least… 37 more of those.”

“Stop jumping out at people, or we’ll test that!” Nami yelled angrily at the stranger, who just casually bopped his head from side to side.

“I’m a jack-in-the-box, right? So I gotta do what a jack-in-the-box does!” he stated bluntly, like he was explaining something incredibly obvious to a five-year old.

“Uhm… who are you, exactly?” Chopper asked, still hiding behind Nami. However, he was hiding with only half his face behind her leg and the rest of his body peeking out.

“Who am I? Who’s this handsome toy?” he said almost rhythmically, doing his best to dance with his spring-based body. “It’s the SUPER raddest, baddest, gladdest dude who makes his enemies the saddest! Iiiiiit’s… FRANKY! And since I’m a jack-in-the-box… I’m Franky-n-the-box!”

“I am not calling you that” Nami said harshly with a cold glare in her eyes.

“Franky-n-the-box…” Usopp and Chopper said in chorus, nodding understandingly.

* * *

After everybody properly calmed down and made introductions, Franky led the trio of pirates further into the island. Since they needed supplies they were going to stock up at the only settlement on the island: Syrup Village. Franky himself proved to have the ability to move around by making his box hop forward, getting a surprising amount of speed for somebody with no limbs.

“It’s riiiight past these couple of trees here” Franky stated, lightly panting from his rather exhausting way of travel.

“Great… I’m absolutely starving” Nami groaned, rubbing her painfully empty stomach. “And we really need to get a better ship… that dinghy sprang three leaks on the way here.”

“I just hope there aren’t any more of those toys there” Usopp whispered to Chopper and Nami, not loudly enough for Franky to hear. “Talking toys are in at least two thirds of the horror novels I’ve read! And those never end well for the incredibly attractive one that all the girls fawn over!”

“So you’ll be fine then” Nami shrugged, clearly not concerned at all.

“Why are you so mean…?” Usopp whined with comical tears flowing from his eyes.

“Alright, here we are! Oh whoops…” Franky suddenly exclaimed, just as he fell over. The ‘whoops’ sounded incredibly forced, as did his fall and apparent inability to get up. “Oh woe is me! I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up! I sure hope you guys don’t start reading things or turning back or anything…”

Confused, the Straw Hats took a closer look ahead. Syrup Village was visible, as were its inhabitants… toys. Dolls, tin soldiers, plushies, nutcrackers… all wandering around, acting as if everything was fine. Meanwhile, the three also spotted a sign pinned to a nearby tree. The sign only contained one word, written in a dark red gooey substance: RUN!

“And that’s my cue to leave” Usopp stated with a grin before sprinting back the way he came while screaming. Chopper, startled by Usopp’s screaming and running, also started screaming. He dove to hide in a bush… but only the top half of his head actually touched the bush. The rest was cowering right out in the open. Meanwhile, Franky spoke in the most disinterested tone imaginable while only making the barest amount of effort to stand up.

“No wait. Stop. Don’t. Come back.”

Too hungry to lose her temper, a defeated Nami calmly picked up Franky and Chopper and started heading back towards the beach. However, Usopp suddenly came running back, skidding to a halt in front of Nami.

“There’s more toys at the beach! Also our boat is on fire now” he explained nervously to a stone-faced Nami. All three Straw Hat Pirates slowly looked down at Franky’s head dangling out of the box Nami was carrying.

“...what are you looking at me for?”

* * *

Deeper into the forest, out of view of anyone coming up the path between the beach and the village, Nami tossed Franky to the ground against a tree. Usopp and Chopper stood on each side to surround him, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

“Ok, listen. You have a LOT to explain right now” Nami angrily declared, glaring down at the jack-in-the-box.

“Can’t” Franky said in a soft tone, calmly pushing himself into what would for him be considered a standing position. “I can lead you to the town though. If you’re wondering about the directions. It’s over there.”

“What do you mean you can’t?!” Nami asked through grit teeth, barely restraining herself from punching the unhelpful toy.

“All I can do is lead you to the town. Not my fault you got all scared by the very inconspicuous sign I made.”

Nami started trembling in frustration, Usopp and Chopper both taking a step away from her just to be safe. But before her anger erupted, she suddenly took a deep breath and seemingly calmed down completely.

“But what if we go AFTER you explain what’s going on?” she asked kindly, leaning forwards with a sickly sweet smile. The “Or else I’ll rip you out of your box and stomp on you”-part was merely implied.

“Then I’ll gladly tell you everything” Franky exclaimed, in a tone indicating he’d be grinning if he could. “So, here’s the deal: I’m not actually a jack-in-the-box. I am now, but I was transformed! By some evil pirate that arrived a couple of weeks ago, along with her gang of cronies.”

“And you didn’t warn us about this because…?”

“Because I literally can’t disobey any order she gives me. I guess whatever’s transforming me into a toy is also making me have to do what she says… speaking of, she told me to bring people into the town so she could turn them into toys as well. Wanna go to the town?”

The Straw Hat Pirates turned away from Franky to discuss amongst themselves, Usopp and Nami leaning down so Chopper wouldn’t be left out.

“Can we trust him?” “More importantly, should we even care? I don’t want to be turned into a toy-slave, and this whole place gives me the creeps!” “Well, we don’t have a choice. Our boat is already guarded by… toys, and while we might be able to deal with teddy bears we can’t really beat up our lack of food and water. We NEED to get supplies here, and I doubt the pirate who transformed an entire town into slaves is gonna be very generous to visitors.” “Besides, we can’t abandon Franky-n-the-box!” “...the guy who tried to hand us over to an evil slaver?” “It wasn’t his fault!” “Yeah, it wasn’t my fault!”

Nami, Usopp and Chopper cried out and jumped back as they realized Franky had literally shoved his head into their discussion.

“Ok, fine. We’ll help you deal with whoever did this” Nami told Franky. “Out of the purity of our hearts~”

Chopper’s eyes sparkled in wonderment of Nami’s kindness, while a more skeptical Usopp counted to three on his fingers. On the count of three…

“And because you’ll give us a big reward for freeing your town, right?” Nami added, leaning in with a wide grin.

“Sure! You like cola, right?”

* * *

“So that’s the mansion she’s hiding out at?”

The Straw Hats and Franky were hiding inside some bushes, spying on a white-painted mansion overlooking the town. Various human thugs were wandering around outside, all armed.

“Yep! And it’s technically part of the town, so I’m still doing my job!” Franky beamed.

“So, who is really this toy-making pirate captain?” Nami asked as she stroked her chin, scanning the area and planning a stealthy approach.

“Well, when she arrived she was this green-haired woman with a red cape and polka-dotted dress. Now she’s the same but smaller.”

“...what do you mean smaller?”

“She went from being like twenty to being ten. Kinda weird now that I think about it” Franky replied, tilting his head a bit as he thought about it. “Anyways, I’m not gonna let you three fight all those guys on your own. See, while I have to obey the pirate and all, she didn’t tell me NOT to set up a bunch of cannons to launch explosives at her and her crew…”

Franky hopped over to an abnormally large bush and bumped into it, causing all the leaves to fall off and reveal an intricate contraption of multiple cannons bolted together. Chopper and Usopp both squealed in excitement at the sight of the manly display of firepower, while Nami had a decidedly less enthusiastic reaction.

“Ok, I was actually thinking-” “SHOOT IT SHOOT IT SHOOT IT SHOOT IT!”

The poor orange-haired pirate grit her teeth and pushes her cheering crewmates aside, not wanting to give up on her stealthy approach.

“Hold on! I say-”

Once again Nami was interrupted, this time by Franky.

“Sorry, it’s three-to-one” the jack-in-the-box verbally shrugged, to which Usopp and Chopper excitedly nodded.

“Captain has veto power!” Nami demanded, stomping her foot and clutching her fists. Franky just stared at her for a while, before headbutting the cannon-fusion and causing it to fire.

“You’re not my captain” he stated bluntly, as explosions rocked the mansion and sent guards flying. “Anyways, good luck! They’re probably gonna head this way and kill on sight, so try not to let them do that.”

Nami delivered a swift punch to Franky before turning to face the mansion, axe in hand.

“We promise to help, and this is how you repay us? Urgh, whatever. Come on guys.”

The Straw Hats rushed out of the bushes while the mansion guards were distracted by the chaos, Franky staying behind to prepare another salvo of cannon blasts. Chopper’s short legs were causing him to lag behind, while the weight of her massive battleaxe didn’t seem to slow Nami down at all.

“Oh, yeah” Franky suddenly called out from his hiding spot. “Remember to watch out for the two super-strong Playmates!”

Usopp’s eyes widened at these news, and all three Straw Hats turned their heads briefly to look back at Franky.

“Wait, super-strong Playmates?! You didn’t say anything about-”

Usopp was interrupted by a loud impact in front of him. A man had leaped out from the smoke cloud left behind by the explosions, delivering a mighty kick straight into Nami’s face. The captain was knocked back by the kick and ended up sliding along the ground with the man standing on her like a skateboard! While he did so, he aimed a huge bazooka resting on his shoulder on Chopper and pressed the trigger, a blast of blue-and-white flames surging out to engulf the mink. Usopp was so taken aback by the sudden arrival that he failed to notice the second man stepping out of the rubble. He did notice when the man swung a metal bat right into Usopp’s face, launching the long-nosed fighter backwards.

Franky stared blankly at the events unfolding, quickly realizing that a stealthier approach might have been viable. As things calmed down, a third person slowly walked into view as the cloud of dust and debris dissipated. A young girl with a red bear-cape and white polka-dotted dress, the very same Franky had warned the Straw Hats about. Captain Sugar of the Playtime Pirates. In one hand she held a bowl of grapes, in the other a damaged stuffed doll. She lazily looked over the battlefield through a monocle resembling an eyepatch, before settling her gaze on the Straw Hat Pirates.

“They’re the ones who blew up my mansion?” she asked calmly, as the doll in her hand slowly looked up.

“Most likely, yes” the man standing atop Nami nodded. A tall, muscular man wearing little but a brown grass skirt. Tattoos adorned his left side and a pair of white wings sprouted from his back. His hair was shaved into a mohawk with a very long segmented ponytail trailing behind him. Wyper, a rough and violent enforcer with deadly efficiency, and one of the two Playmates.

“Yyyeeeaaahhh… ppprrrooobbbaaabbblllyyy…” the second man confirmed after very slowly turning his head to face Sugar. This one towered over everyone else in the area, and had a very big egg-shaped body covered by a green shirt. His relatively small head looked even smaller due to the presence of a big orange scarf. Despite his incredibly slow speed, Babe is the second Playmate, the Playtime Pirates’ strongest members.

“Kill them” Sugar stated simply as she turned to walk back into the mansion.

“Sssuuurrree b-” “Understood.” “-bbooosss… III’lll gggeeettt rrriiigggh-” “JUST HIT HIM ALREADY!”

Babe started slowly lumbering towards the immobile Usopp to finish the job. The long-nosed pirate’s face was already bloodied from the first hit from Babe’s metal bat, which was now raised up high to deliver the fatal blow… as soon as the huge man made his way over there, of course.

Wyper readjusted the cigarello in his mouth as he aimed his huge bazooka down at Nami, who he was still standing on. However, before he could the trigger he felt cold metal clasp hard around his ankle. Next thing he knew he slammed back-first into the ground, sending up dirt and grass around him. Nami had swung him down by the ankle, and used the leverage and momentum of the swing to propel herself into the air and flip over to punch Wyper while he was down. Wyper grunted through grit teeth as Nami’s fist collided with his chest, and he quickly retaliated with a kick from his one free leg that sent Nami tumbling off him.

Babe noticed the commotion and slowly turned his head to look at it, arm still raised to bring his bat down on a seemingly unconscious Usopp. The smaller pirate looked like he had already been defeated with a single blow, but upon Babe being distracted this was revealed to be nothing but a ruse. With incredible speed he launched himself up off the ground and swung his hammer into Babe’s massive belly, his muscles visibly tensing with the effort put into it.

“Special Technique! M-Usopp Possum!”

Babe’s entire body arched from the blow, his eyes bulging and mouth wide open. However, his feet still remained right where they were and he quickly returned to an upright stance. A bead of sweat made its way down Usopp’s brow. His sneak attack had not been enough to take Babe down, and now he was left alone right in front of the over 2 meter tall mountain of a man. Usopp clutched his hammer, standing completely still as he gauged Babe’s reaction. How should he proceed? A million outcomes flowed through Usopp’s mind, when suddenly he saw Babe slowly open his mouth.

“Oooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuc-”

“Ok, this is gonna take a while. I got enough time to hit him again!” Usopp thought to himself. He grabbed the handle with both hands and held it over his shoulder as he prepared to strike again… when he suddenly noticed something in the corner of his eye. Something fast. He lunged to the side, narrowly avoiding Babe’s bat swinging by him with uncharacteristic speed. Despite his slow everything else, Babe’s attacks were incredibly fast! Usopp had barely recovered from his initial dodge when another swing came his way, forcing him to throw himself backwards to avoid getting his skull cracked. The heavy metal bat passed mere millimetres from the tip of Usopp’s nose, but he luckily ended up outside of Babe’s range, giving him a bit to recover while the larger man slowly trudged his way over to him.

Nami pushed herself up on one knee, gritting her teeth as Wyper did the same. She glanced a bit sideways over at Chopper to make sure he was ok, and while he was still smoking from being blasted by the bazooka, he was standing up with a determined look in his eyes. With the mink’s status confirmed, Nami could focus entirely on fighting Wyper. Neither of them had their weapons at the moment, Nami’s axe laying where Wyper had first kicked her, and the bazooka resting on the ground behind Wyper. Even still, he hesitated in grabbing it. That would provide a momentary distraction that Nami could use to close the gap. The two ended up staring intensely at each other, waiting for the other to make a move.

Wyper’s eyes widened as he suddenly heard the light rustling of grass behind him. It was quiet, as if made by someone trying to be sneaky. His head whipped around to see Chopper try to grab the discarded bazooka. The tiny mink let out a frightened eep as he saw Wyper’s glare shoot back at him, but before either of them could do anything Nami made her move. She bolted towards Wyper, taking advantage of his momentary distraction to launch an attack. Wyper’s arms came up to block just as Nami’s knee was about to slam into his face, the momentum and force sending both of them sailing over Chopper. During their tumbling landing they traded several quick blows, ending with Wyper landing a powerful punch to Nami’s face that knocked her away.

Meanwhile, Usopp was slowly walking backwards, as Babe chased just as slowly. The large man had his bat poised to strike, but due to his slow walking speed he couldn’t actually get into range to hit Usopp.

“Hhheeeyyy… nnnooo fffaaaiiirrr...“ he complained, as Usopp scratched his chin. “Yyyooouuu aaarrreee tttooo fffaaasssttt…”

“Hmmm… can’t really get close to him. His attacks are way too fast, and they hit hard… don’t know if my skull can handle another one of those blows” Usopp mused casually out loud, while making sure he kept his distance. “As long as I stay out of reach, I should be fine though. Maybe I’ll run over and help Nami take out that ponytail-guy, and we can all tag-team this bozo. Nami’s axe can reach a lot further than my hammer, after all…”

As Usopp pondered his options, a lightbulb suddenly illuminated in Babe’s head. He finally remembered the technique he had made for this very purpose, as usual his mind was as slow as his gait. Holding the bat in one hand he held it behind him before swinging it up and forwards, digging it deep into the ground on the way. Usopp was initially confused until he saw the spray of dirt and rocks that the bat launched. Unable to dodge in time he was forced to close his eyes and block as the barrage of stone pelted his body, and ended up making him fall on his back. When he opened his eyes again he saw the towering silhouette of Babe standing over him, bat raised to strike once more.

Meanwhile Nami and Wyper were engaging in raw hand-to-hand combat. Wyper was taller and thus had more range, but that advantage was made void by Nami’s superior speed and strength. He ended up on the defensive, staggering backwards as he pushed himself to the limit just avoiding and blocking Nami’s barrage of punches.

“Hey, I just need to pay you back for that kick earlier, and then we can move on ok~?” Nami smiled confidently as she launched a vicious straight with her robotic arm. Wyper brought up both arms to defend against it, but was nevertheless pushed back.

“Well… you’re not the only one looking for payback” Wyper replied with a glare.

A gunshot rang out and a bullet passed by right in front of Nami’s face. The goons taken out by Franky’s cannon barrage weren’t the only ones in the Playtime Pirates, and by now a group of thugs from the rest of the mansion had pooled in towards the fight. These were dressed up in the standard attire of a Playtime Pirate, resembling a toy soldier. Bright red jacket with golden buttons and black pants, and a tall bulbous hat with the letters SOL written on them. And all of them were armed with white rifles and sabers.

“Urgh, more? I guess we can’t just deal with all goons with explosives” Nami sighed. She ducked as a wave of gunshots threatened her life, and a group of saber-wielding pirates rushed towards her. The first blade-wielding enemy was quickly dealt with, Nami simply grabbing his sword in her metal hand and splintering it before socking him in the jaw. Seeing Nami distracted, Wyper took the opportunity to look for his weapon.

“While she’s deal with them I can get my… wait, where is-”

A sudden flash of realization swept over Wyper.

“The raccoon-dog!”

He had been so busy with Nami that he had completely forgotten about the third member of the Straw Hat Pirates. A small, furred creature that had tried to steal his bazooka… the very same bazooka now being propped up by some rock, its barrel aimed directly at an oblivious Babe. Usopp’s casual walk backwards hadn’t been for nothing; he was leading Babe on, right into the path of the bazooka. Babe’s bat was aimed up high, ready to strike Usopp, but he wouldn’t get the chance.

“Babe! Look out!” Wyper yelled, but it was too late. Chopper pulled the trigger, launching a powerful jet of blue flame at Babe. The large man dropped his bat and yelled in pain, as the blast was strong enough to lift him off the ground thanks to the angle the bazooka was at. The bazooka did end up flying off in the opposite direction, but the damage was done. Babe’s side was charred and smoke, and he was falling through the air. Usopp grinned, standing up and spinning on his heel as Babe dropped down in front of him.

“Usopp Golden Spin!” he yelled as his hammer struck Babe’s gut one more time, but this time with far more force. It was as if time slowed down on the impact, before Usopp launched Babe like a baseball player hitting a Home Run. The massive man spun through the air until he crashed through a second story window in the mansion. He landed on his back on a table in the room and smashed it into splinters, along with the bowl of grapes that was on the table. Beside the table was a big comfy chair Captain Sugar was sitting on, holding a single grape between her fingers and staring down at the unconscious Babe with a cold look. Her abused doll was pinned under one of the legs of her chair. Sugar slowly ate the last grape and stood up, heading off to deal with the situation herself.

A drop of sweat made its way down the side of Wyper’s head as he saw his fellow Playmate get defeated. And the sounds of people collapsing behind him didn’t bode well for the rest of his compatriots. He dreaded looking back, and his fears were justified when he saw that Nami had already taken down the squad of reinforcements and retrieved her axe in the process.

“Damn it… I just have to hold out until Captain Sugar gets here” he grumbled to himself, raising his fists to defend himself. Nami slowly walked towards Wyper, holding her axe at a low angle, before breaking out into a sprint. Wyper readied himself for her attack… and suddenly Nami was behind him, a gust of powerful wind the only indication of her incredible burst of speed. “H-how did she… with such a heavy…”

A big wound appeared across Wyper’s torso, and he started collapsing.

“Ah, I almost forgot…” Nami said, grabbing Wyper’s shoulder and forcing him to turn around. She jumped into the air and dropkicked him in the face, knocking him on his back. “Told you I wanted payback for that kick earlier.”

She heaved her mighty axe onto her shoulder and looked over at Usopp and Chopper high-fiving over their victory. She smirked at seeing how both of them seemed to be in good shape, despite the heavy blows each of them took at the start of the fight. As she walked over to reunite with them, another figure appeared in the collapsed wall of the mansion.

“Well, at least we won’t have to waste any time looking for her” Nami frowned, as the Straw Hats once more entered a combat-ready stance. Sugar’s gaze slowly wandered between the three remaining combatants on the battlefield, and the scores of her own minions that laid scattered around the lawn. She quickly surmised that she was outmatched… but she still had one advantage: uncertainty.

“You don’t know how my power works, do you?” she asked, taking a gamble. “You probably know I can turn people into toys… but do you know exactly how? If I transform you, I win. But is it a ranged ability? Or is it by touch? Do you have to be in a certain range, is there a condition… you don’t know, do you?”

Usopp just rolled his eyes and bent his arm backwards, preparing to throw his hammer right at Sugar’s face to knock her out.

“Go ahead and throw it” Sugar quickly said in a dull, monotone voice. “I bet your essence is all over that hammer...”

A bead of sweat went down Usopp’s head as he froze completely. Was this a dumb idea? What if her Devil Fruit was activated by touching something the victim had recently been in contact with? The uncertainty gnawed at the back of Usopp’s head, and Nami and Chopper weren’t feeling too confident either.

Of course, Sugar was completely bluffing. Her touch-based power would be useless against ranged attacks, so all she could do was keep the Straw Hats too scared to attack. Perhaps she could come up with a strategy, some way to deal with them… if she could get back into the mansion, she could use the enclosed space to get close and-

**BOOM**

A distant noise broke everybody’s chain of thought, and four pairs of eyes whipped towards the forest… and a single, black orb that flew out from it. As the orb grew larger, Sugar realized far too late what it was. For a split second her face stretched into an expression of horrified shock, her jaw dropping to her chest and her eyes bulging out of their sockets. Then, the cannonball exploded right in her face, sending a smoking, unconscious Sugar skidding into the mansion.

As the Straw Hats tried to comprehend the sudden and anti-climactic end to the tense situation, they heard another distant sound. A deep roar that slowly grew louder. Once more turning towards the forest, they saw a figure running towards them in a full sprint. As the figure drew ever closer, they could gradually make out the person’s appearance. A tall, athletic man with an impressively tall blue pompadour, dressed in nothing but a black speedo and an opened red Hawaiian shirt. A gold chain adorned his neck, and his eyes were covered by pointy sunglasses. His arms, nose and chin were all normal, barring the blue star tattoos on his non-huge forearms.

Once he got within a certain distance of the Straw Hats he leaped forward, briefly stopping his roaring as he struck a pose upon landing. He leaned to the side with his arms raised over his head, pushing his forearms together so the star tattoos formed one singular star. One leg was bent, the other went straight. As he struck this pose onlookers could swear they saw a neon explosion go off behind him. The strange man took a deep breath to fill his lungs, then bellowed a single word:

“SUPER!"


End file.
